The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: September 12–18, 2015

Week of September 12–18, 2015
Riders this past week: 27,412
Rider miles this past week: 221,812

DOWN IN THE TUBE
A photo going around on social media which purports to show all the presidential candidates who came to the Hamptons this summer soliciting money, all riding the same subway car at the same time. The people are, from left to right, Marco Rubio, Hillary Clinton, Vice President Joe Biden, Mike Huckabee and Jeb Bush.

This photo has been Photoshopped. Truth is they were all here, so they all belong in this “Down in the Tube” column, but they were here all on different days. We have been able to determine this because the photo is labeled “on the subway between Quiogue and Westhampton Beach” but by looking at the pipes and fixtures on the subway walls outside the window we’ve been able to determine the photo was taken between Amagansett and Napeague. Also, Hillary Clinton’s head is clearly Photoshopped onto a man’s body. Don’t be fooled if you see this.

TRACK REPAIR
Next Tuesday between 5 p.m. and closing, the B train eastbound local will run on the express tracks between North Sea and Sag Harbor while track maintenance takes place.

HE BUMPS, HE’S FIRED
Last week, some people on a subway car between Bridgehampton and Sagaponack at 3:06 p.m. Wednesday going eastbound were slightly injured—nobody went to the hospital—when a subway train bumped into another in front of it and we want to apologize for that incident.

This situation came about because of several unfortunate factors. The first is that the lights down in the subway tunnels turn from green to red and back again to green automatically, thereby keeping trains behind from bumping a train in front when the front train has to stop unexpectedly. In a nod to history, however, we had arranged one particular spot eastbound between Bridgehampton and Sagaponack to not have an automated light, but instead have an actual flagman who waves red or green flags as necessary. We were urged to do this by the President of the Sagaponack Historical Society, who is on the Hamptons Subway Board. On this particular day, at 3 p.m., the flagman on duty was a 17-year-old senior we will not name at a high school we will not name, taking a turn at this below ground flag signaling tradition as part of a school project, when, as he said, he was just moments away from getting to the next level in his Grand Theft Auto game that he forgot to do anything with the flags.

A train that had just passed him had stopped. But the train behind, operated by another rookie, Bob James, saw the flagman all busy with his thumbs and so, after yelling at him to no effect, crept up on the back end of the subway in front and came to a halt. When that train in front did not move after a while, Bob James, frustrated, put his train in forward gear and gave the train in front a little bump. So that’s what caused the injuries. James has been relieved from motorman duties and been re-assigned to a desk job. He is also receiving counseling.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
Last Saturday afternoon at three, some of my friends and I enjoyed a private party at the Blue Parrot in East Hampton for a couple of hours. Attending were Billy Joel, Paul McCartney, Ron Delsener, Sting, Jon Bon Jovi, Elle MacPherson, Bruce Springsteen, Jimmy Buffett, Rogers Waters, John Mellencamp and Paul Simon. The Parrot was shut for that time, as, I guess, you might expect.

Afterward, we all went to my house for a nightcap and nobody was informed of that either.

READ MORE HAMPTONS SUBWAY!

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