Searching for a 40-Year-Old Male Virgin in the Hamptons

Where have all the virgins gone?
Where have all the virgins gone? Photo: BananaStock/Thinkstock

And everyone thought the 2005 sex comedy, The 40 Year Old Virgin, starring Steve Carell was a stretch.

In the movie, Carell plays a 40 year-old guy who is involuntarily a virgin. Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that he collects action figures, plays video games and works at a store named SmartTech.

The whole premise that a man could still be a virgin at 40 years of age just seems down-right outrageous.

Maybe not. An article by Japanese journalist Harumi Ozawa revealed that there are many older male virgins in Japan. Ozawa cites a 2010 survey by the National Institute of Population and Social Security Research that reflects that around a quarter of unmarried Japanese men in their 30s were still virgins.

It is speculated that the primary reason there are so many older males virgins in Japan is from loss of economic muscle. When men do not earn significant wages, they are less attractive to women. Because of this fact, they may also suffer from a lack of confidence. Another factor could be that many Japanese men often spend a significant amount of time working during these years of their lives, which leaves less time for pursuing a mate. Whatever the case, it appears that there are thousands of older virgin men in Japan.

So how does this compare to men of the same age in the Hamptons? Once again, I took to the streets to see if I could locate some mature male virgins. Since I could not tell from outward appearances, I had to guess as to those strangers I thought were close to being in that age group.

As usual, with my surveys on the street, I started on the sidewalks of Sag Harbor. It was a slow day for single males mulling about, but I did come across a few. “Excuse me sir, are you a virgin?” I asked.

“Hell no—do you want me to call the police you freak?” said one man dressed in jeans and a Yankees cap.

“None of your damn business, but do I look like a virgin?” another quipped as he walked past me and didn’t bother to look back.

“Not hardly” a very handsome fellow responded.

Having found no admitted virgins in Sag, I moved on to Hampton Bays and hung around outside the King Kullen Supermarket. Despite encountering numerous lone males, none admitted to being virgins.

Interestingly, one man did respond, “I wish I was because then I wouldn’t be grocery shopping today for my five kids.”

Despite my failure to locate what was proving to be an elusive prey, I moved on to Westhampton. Unfortunately, after nearly two hours of questioning men there, the result was the same.

Maybe, unlike in Japan, all men here are wealthy and thus can easily attract a mate. Perhaps it is because we work less and play more in our area? Is it because our beach vibe and relaxed atmosphere breeds promiscuity? Whatever the case, I can only surmise from my findings that there are no older male virgins living in the Hamptons.

P.S. If you are an older male virgin living in the Hamptons…let me know. I know a few single women and maybe I could hook you up.

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