Someone at Party Obviously Wrong About Spotting Alec Baldwin

Alec Baldwin in three places at once in the Hamptons!
Photo: Zoonar/O.Kovach, Andrew H. Walker, Alberto E. Rodriguez, Frazer Harrison/Zoonar, Getty Images Entertainment/Thinkstock, Google Maps

A small, quiet Hamptons cocktail party Friday suddenly turned awkward when two guests both claimed to have spotted actor Alec Baldwin earlier that day.

While the Amagansett resident is, in fact, often spotted at various Hamptons venues, restaurants and Main Streets, it was determined that Baldwin could not have been in both places where he was purportedly seen. One guest was either mistaken, or flat out lying.

“I saw him enjoying an espresso at The Golden Pear in East Hampton,” the first man claimed, explaining that Baldwin was clearly enjoying his hot drink while reading a well-worn Neruda paperback. “He was in deep thought,” the man said, adding that Baldwin was grimacing and stroking his three-day salt-and-pepper beard as he read.

“I saw Alec Baldwin walking out of Southampton Books,” the second man said, noting that Baldwin, walking briskly, carried a new, leather-bound copy of Henry David Thoreau’s Walden in one hand and a dog-eared copy of Julian Jaynes’ The Subconscious Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind in the other.

At first, the two men, and other party guests, reveled in the coincidence that they both spotted the Glengarry Glen Ross actor the same day, and traded recitations of “coffee’s for closers only” and the “ABC, Always Be Closing” speech. But it soon became clear that their timelines did not match up.

The consensus of guests who found themselves part of the conversation was that if Baldwin had been in East Hampton sipping coffee at The Golden Pear at 2:45 p.m., he could not have also been in Southampton Village leaving Southampton Books—the business that took over BookHampton last month—at 3:15 p.m.

The benefit of the doubt, amicably extended to both Baldwin-spotters, was soundly rejected. Neither would concede they were wrong about the time of their alleged Baldwin sighting by more than five minutes “give or take.”

Guests consulting Google Maps determined that the trip from one destination to the other would take an estimated 34 minutes. While several guests claimed to have been able to travel between Southampton Village and East Hampton Village in less than half an hour, the rare feat has only reportedly occurred when traffic is thin or nonexistent. On this particular afternoon, several party guests confirmed that traffic was “horrendous” on Montauk Highway and “even on the back roads,” because, in an even more strange turn of events, Alec Baldwin was rescuing a woman from her burning car after it struck a Maserati in the oncoming lane on Route 27 near Snake Hollow Road in Bridgehampton.

Furthering the debate were descriptions of what Baldwin was wearing. While Baldwin was said to be sporting a black wool coat in East Hampton, the man in Southampton thought to be Baldwin was wearing a blue pullover.

It should also be noted that the heroic roadside rescuer version of Baldwin was described wearing black leather pants and a grey tank top undershirt, which tore, revealing his mane of chest hair and “bulging pectoral muscles” as he extricated the woman from her vehicle.

Later, when Baldwin’s Twitter account was consulted, it was determined that the actor has been out of the country all week.

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