Dan Rattiner's Stories

From the Sidelines: New Planet Trots Onto Field to Replace Pluto

You may recall that about 10 years ago, Pluto was voted out of the solar system. It had been there, the farthest out planet, for about a hundred years. But now those in charge were changing their minds. Pluto was taken out. So now there are Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune, but not Pluto.

Last week, however, our solar system trotted out a new, bigger planet to take over for Pluto. It is even farther away than Pluto is, which is probably why we haven’t noticed it until now.

The new planet has been found by two scientists from the California Institute of Technology, Michael Brown and Konstantin Batygin. Nobody has given it a name yet. But I am sure when the announcers up in the press box get a better look at it, they will get its name and tell us what it is.

What we know so far is that the new planet is much larger than Pluto, and much more powerful. Many smaller bodies are drawn to it and tend to fall in with it, which is how the scientists were able to find it, even though they have not gotten around to actually seeing it just yet. But that will happen soon.

I think it has been pretty hard on our solar system to have been playing the circling-around-the-sun game shorthanded like this with only eight players for the last half-century.

I also think everyone is pretty excited to see a planet get taken out of the ballgame and replaced by a new planet that’s much bigger than the one that came out. It is a testament to the general manager and the coach that they have come up with this, and I think the fans will appreciate it, especially if the new guy works out.

On the other hand, it’s not hard to notice that the earth is showing signs of wear and tear. Carbon dioxide is going through the roof. Jungles are disappearing. Sea levels are rising. With the new rules in place about protecting the planets from permanent damage or injury, it might soon become necessary to take Earth off the field and up into the locker room for an X-ray. Hopefully, if that happens, management will be ready with a replacement that would be worthy of the place in the firmament previously occupied by Earth. We can hope, anyway.

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