Police Blotter

Hamptons Police Respond to Sag Harbor Village Sunbathers

Hamptons Police Department officers were called to Sag Harbor this week when pedestrians found it was becoming difficult to navigate the sidewalks because of all the people sunbathing on them.

“Apparently the beaches had become too crowded,” says Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch. “Or maybe, what with the traffic, the beaches had become too difficult to get to. For whatever reason, people decided to just lie down on the sidewalks in Sag Harbor and try to soak up the rays right there.”

Their decision to do so exacerbated an already crowded situation, with pedestrians finding themselves forced to share limited sidewalk space with prone figures in swimsuits.

“I felt like I was in Times Square the sidewalks were so congested,” one frustrated visitor said. “I was going to give up and walk in the street, but there were cars everywhere.”

As Hirsch points out, the sidewalk sunbathers put some pedestrians in a quandary. “A lot of the men were in a bind,” Hirsch says. “They were trying to look where they were walking so that they wouldn’t step on anybody, but they didn’t want to look down for fear their wives would think that they were gawking at the scantily clad women lying on the sidewalks. I saw more than one guy getting beaten with a purse. Some poor guys are going to be sleeping with the dog for a while.”

Police advised the sunbathers that they should find a more appropriate place to catch some rays, and by noon the problem was cleared up.

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