Week of August 24–30, 2017
Riders this past week: 72,814
Rider miles this past week: 167,842
DOWN IN THE TUBE
Jimmy Buffett took the subway spur from Jobs Lane in Southampton to Cooper’s Beach on Sunday morning. When beachgoers there saw him get out at the station at the back of the beach, they broke into a round of applause. Authors Gail Sheehy and Dava Sobel sat with Academy Award–winning actress Melissa Leo talking about the Dan’s Papers Literary Prize on Thursday morning heading from Noyac to Sag Harbor. All are participants at the awards ceremony August 31. Leonardo DiCaprio was seen on the Hamptons Subway going from East Hampton to Sag Harbor on Monday afternoon.
There was a big surge in subway use last Monday beginning at 2 p.m. as residents fled down the escalators to the platforms at all the stops to get away from the solar eclipse. Hamptons Subway promoted coming down to the subway platforms on that day, advising people that although they would go blind if they looked directly at the sun, they would be unable to stop themselves from doing so since the next eclipse is not until 2024. The campaign “ECLIPSE ANTIDOTE: CAN’T HELP YOURSELF?” worked miracles and as many as 1,000 people went down to the platforms. Though most did not intend to go anywhere but back up when the eclipse was over, Subway employees on the platforms forced people to use the turnstiles instead of huddling by the token booths, in an effort that resulted in a big financial windfall for the service.
STATUE AGAIN ON WESTHAMPTON BEACH PLATFORM
Two weeks ago Thursday, subway employees removed a full-size statue of Vladimir Putin they found in the center of the Westhampton Beach platform. It was believed that Donald Trump placed it there as part of his effort to buy the subway system, though nobody has been able to prove it. In any case, the day after the removal, a second statue, this time of North Korea’s leader Kim Jong-Un was found on that platform. It is still there. Nobody knows who put it there, but local officials have asked Subway Commissioner Bill Aspinall not to remove it for fear that if they did remove it, nuclear missiles might destroy an American city. “I’ve agreed to that for now,” the Commissioner said, “but I can’t leave it there forever.” Oddly, the full-size statue of Kim is even shorter than the full size statue of Vladimir Putin, and unsuspecting commuters trying to make the trains have been tripping over it.
Hamptons Subway’s new marketing director Hal Winston, encouraged by his eclipse success, is now running a new contest for subway patrons. Register yourself with Hamptons Subway to reserve a spot on any platform for your personal use in the event that a hurricane hits the Hamptons this fall, and if your presence there on the day the hurricane comes through results in your having lived rather than died—for example your house is blown away—you will win a free 90-day swipe card to use anywhere on the Hamptons Subway system—any stop at any time to anywhere at all—for free during that period.
COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
I don’t know what is wrong with some of our riders. Many of them, particularly at the stops down at the beach, ride the subway home at the end of the day in thong bikinis or men’s speedos that practically show it all. It’s caused us to rethink our dress code policies for the subway. We will be making new rules soon.