Police Blotter

Hamptons Police Cancel Mexico Trip – Volunteers Return to Regular Jobs

After months of preparation and the training of an all-volunteer force to cover for them in their absence, the Hamptons Police Department abruptly canceled their winter break in Acapulco, Mexico last Tuesday.

Although the official explanation for the change in plans was that the police determined that the volunteer force was not ready for the handover of responsibilities, leaks from inside the department strongly suggest the plans were scuttled when it was found that officers would have to fly coach to Mexico.

As recently as March 4, Dan’s Papers reported that the Hamptons Police Department had been “very impressed with the acumen of the volunteer trainee forces” and were “highly confident the volunteers will be able to cover law enforcement reasonably well while the professionals are out of town.”

Anonymous sources have revealed that a majority of the officers were unwilling to spend “eight hours in a cramped airplane seat without access to free booze,” which seems entirely possible, given the force’s penchant for luxury.

But, as Hamptons Police Department spokesman Larry Hirsch has often pointed out, “This is the Hamptons, baby!”

As of Friday, March 16, volunteers in training have been sent home and paid officers have returned, grudgingly, to their posts.

“Our volunteers weren’t ready,” Hirsch says, but adds, “With a little more time, they’ll be ready to fill in at a moment’s notice.”

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