The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of August 17–23, 2018

Our upgraded Sag Harbor station will mirror luxuries at the Georgica Station.

Week of August 17–23, 2018
Riders this past week: 41,831
Rider miles this past week: 189,006

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Painter April Gornik and landscape architect Ed Hollander were seen traveling on the subway between Sag Harbor and North Haven on Thursday morning. Billy Joel, wearing his captain’s cap, was seen traveling from Noyac to Sag Harbor. Leonardo DiCaprio and an unidentified female companion took the very last subway train from Southampton to Water Mill at 2 a.m. on Saturday just before the subway system closed for the night.

MORTON THWOCKPORT CURVE
Regular riders will note a new curve in the tunnel halfway between the Southampton and Water Mill station. Until now, this had been a straight run. It is there without our permission or, until now, our knowledge, but the town says we have to have it. The reason is that the subway runs under the swimming pool of the estate of Morton Thwockport of Mecox, making the surface of that pool ripple whenever that happens. Because the swimming pool was built in 1917, ten years before the subway was built, it has priority.

Mr. Thwockport has complained about this repeatedly and says the value of his property is compromised because of it. After years of nothing being done, he offered to build the curving tunnel himself and the town took him up on it. It’s not a big curve. The subway now runs between the pool and the tennis court, where, at ground level, there is a new exhaust grating for the subway fumes below. Subway lawyers did not prevail in preventing this from happening. Because of the curve, the subway ride is lengthened from eleven minutes to twelve. Get used to it.

SEASON SUBWAY TICKET
As a result of efforts by our new marketing and PR director Vaughn McWhinkle, Hamptons Subway is now offering season tickets for the subway for 2019. The cost is $10,000, and the reserved seats will be upholstered in cowhide when we determine how many are to be installed in the lead cars. Purchasing these season seats will take place only until October 31, 2018. In 2019, these patrons will have a close-up view out the front with the big headlight shining on the tracks ahead and buyers will also be able to observe the athletic abilities of the motorman and, at his discretion, allow season ticket holders to have one child between age three and five sit on his lap for a period of time yet to be determined.

SAG HARBOR STATION TO BE IMPROVED
Three years ago, the new Georgica Station opened between Sagaponack and East Hampton featuring a concierge, hors d’oeuvres, white wine and a string quartet on the platform. Now the Sag Harbor Station, which has been around since the subway began, will be upgraded to showcase the pleasures of Sag Harbor. There will be a scrimshaw exhibit, wallpaper designed with an abbreviated history of that place from its days as a whaling hub, early black and white film from that era, a library annex kiosk where books can be borrowed and returned for free and a re-creation of John Steinbeck’s writing studio. All funds for this effort are being raised by Sag Harbor’s own April Gornik who is working hand-in-hand with the Sag Harbor Village Trustees.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
A record number of people will have used the Hamptons Subway this summer if things continue as they are through Labor Day. With all the mistakes we’ve made this summer, this is a testament to our hard-working staff and their determination to our basic goal, which is to make as much money for the stockholders as possible.

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