Dan Rattiner's Stories

Trump Chaos: The President Will Visit the Hamptons on Friday

Expect terrible traffic, unless you're the President, of course.

Donald Trump is coming to the Hamptons on Friday, August 17, to do what he always does. He will be causing chaos and walking away with a lot of money.

The occasion is a Trump Victory Fund luncheon at the Southampton home of longtime supporter Harold Lorber.

Air Force One is intended to arrive at the time when there is the worst traffic jam getting out here on the LIE. That would be Friday afternoon. The plane bearing Mr. Trump will land at Gabreski Airport in Westhampton around noon this Friday. He will then go by official motorcade, with all roads closed along the route to Southampton an hour away as a result of the peak horrendous traffic jam, usually between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m.

To avoid that, you’d have to be the President of the United States with the power to part the waters of the Red Sea, which of course is what he is. Thus, at the order of the Secret Service, all traffic at every entrance leading onto the Sunrise Highway, and then the roads to Mr. Lorber’s house, will be turned away. And there will be no traffic in or out, and so therefore no traffic jam at all, which you cannot be permitted to enjoy—but he can.

Trump’s Victory Fund luncheon is expected to raise $2 million for lesser Republican candidates running for the Senate or the House of Representatives around the country, who they hope can use the push to gain a victory. Among those who will benefit is our local Congressman, an enthusiastic supporter of the President, running against a strong Democratic challenger in November.

The only upside of all this for local residents is that all helicopter traffic coming into the East End between 11 a.m. and 2 p.m. will be turned away, too. Those who live near the airports and don’t know about the visit will wonder what happened to all the noise. No planes.

Air Force One
Photo: Ivan Cholakov/123RF

Where the planes will have to go I do not know, but when the President is not having his presidential cavalcade or victory lunch, he will be flying in to Westhampton and back out again, and the Secret Service won’t let any other aircraft near him. Because—with his upsetting the European Union, Mexico, China, Iran, Canada and now Turkey—well, you never know.

I have to say that Mr. Trump may not be our most popular president, but he currently is our president, and as Obama has said, if he succeeds then we all succeed, so we must wish him the best. I do hope he has a nice time in the Hamptons and enjoys our wonderful towns and villages and beaches.

Speaking of that, the village of Montauk received some bad news on Wednesday from the federal agency responsible for keeping us safe from the surf that could flood over our beaches. That happened in Montauk a few years ago and the Army Corps of Engineers promised at that time to provide one million cubic yards of sand, dredged up from the sea bottom offshore, pumped onto our beaches to bolster them.

Today, they say with the government re-structuring how it spends money, some places will have to endure cutbacks, and now Montauk will only get three quarters of what was promised and will have to make due with about 600 tons of sand. And remember, three quarters of a loaf is better than none.

I hope they cc: this to King Neptune.

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