The internet is filled with advice for women on dating. It is a landmine-filled landscape from “Look your best but don’t wear too much make-up” to “Don’t ever ask a man to hold your purse or cut your hair.”
In turn, I’m curious, what is the dating advice online for men, especially of a certain age? It ranges from “Be absolutely clear on whether you want children (or more children), to “Beware in a new woman’s shower that the Nair bottle looks a lot like shampoo.”
I like the sites which start off with the positive, namely for men to know their worth and that being older comes with being wiser. Experience breeds confidence. So, here’s some of the advice:
Physical perfection isn’t necessary. Women can be attracted to the salt-and-pepper look and laugh lines. The trick is to realize that women respond to good health habits. You don’t need washboard abs, but a beer belly doesn’t cut it.
Be honest. Men may be anything from single to “the divorce is almost final” to married and cheating. Once you’re in your 40s and 50s, men and women’s lives may be complicated with children, ex-spouses, or incontinent senior dogs. Lies or omissions are a terrible way to start any relationship and set up false expectations.
Google yourself. What is your online footprint or that of someone with your same name? A woman is smart about meeting a man in a bar or someone she found online. She will want background info, more than you enjoy fishing and Netflix.
A search engine may show you have a glowing review of your corporate career or detail the lawsuit from a woman who claimed you peered over the wall in the tanning salon to see her naked and caused emotional damage (that is a true story of mine).
Don’t discuss politics. Normally, I completely agree. However, in our current polarized environment, this has moved from an agree to disagree position to a deal breaker. This is not about being a Republican or Democrat. It is about core values. That is a discussion best had sooner rather than later.
Confidence isn’t arrogance. Women and men respond to someone who is confident. However, sitting at dinner with someone from planet “It’s all about me” can be a real turn off. Learning about each other is a two-way street and the only way to see if there is compatibility.
Are you a surgeon with patients in recovery, have a babysitter at home with your child, or are about to be offered a $426-million contract with the Los Angeles Angels? If the answer is “yes” to any of these, no problem to have your phone on the table face up. Otherwise, pocket it.
Only say you are going to call if you are going to call. I love this one. It is perfectly acceptable to say “Thank you, nice to meet you.” Not every meeting is going to lead to a match, but nothing ventured, nothing gained. Call us crazy, but when we really like you and had a great time and feel a connection and you say you are going to call and don’t — we are confused.
Roll with it. It would be great if everything went perfectly on a date, but that’s often not the case. Adaptability is a Darwinian attractive trait. Put it in perspective. If you can’t deal with a misplaced dinner reservation, how will you be in a crisis?
Be a gentleman. Open the door for her, pick up the bill, see that she gets home safely. This may resonate more with the older generation as simply good manners and a sign of respect. I don’t understand the younger set, where if things don’t go the guy’s way, he wants to Venmo his date for half the bill.
This is not a Chilean sea bass-for-sex exchange. We are living in equal times, and it is totally fine that sometimes he pays and sometimes she pays, no expectations afterwards.
And never, ever wear athletic socks with dress shoes.