The Hamptons Police Department is in deep turmoil this week after 25 of its 30 uniformed officers filed a $400 million class-action lawsuit against the department, complaining that they’ve been forced to do police work.
The complaint says officers have had to write tickets, pull over speeding cars, chase perpetrators on foot and in vehicles, interview suspects and witnesses, and make arrests, often over many years on the force.
“We were sold a false bill of goods. No one told us working for this police department would be dangerous or stressful,” Finn Zorn, who once captained the Hamptons Police Submarine Unit—before he was ignominiously replaced last year—said, explaining why he and his fellow officers are seeking damages.
“I know rookies who are already getting carpal tunnel syndrome from writing so many tickets—it’s an epidemic in our ranks,” he continued. “And wearing this hot, itchy uniform goes against every freedom our country stands for. It’s time we all got our due, and we’re here to collect.”
Zorn said he and the other officers who filed the lawsuit are also making preparations to sue many, if not all, of the perpetrators and suspects they’ve arrested or ticketed during each of their careers. “We’re also going to sue every person who made us arrest or ticket them. Just you wait,” he said. “These people’s irresponsible actions put us in harm’s way. None of us took this job expecting to be put in perilous or injurious situations.”
According to Zorn, the dozens of officers suffering with carpal tunnel blame not only the Hamptons Police Department, but all of the people they’ve ticketed. “Every jerk who parked illegally, drove over the speed limit or let their inspection expire has to accept their contribution to our pain and maladies,” Zorn said. “Each ticket was part of that—it’s death by a thousand cuts—and all of us are going back through our records and taking names. No one will get away with what they’ve done to us.”