Police Blotter

Missing Man Resurfaces After Learning Killing a Praying Mantis Isn’t Illegal

Garrison Mulholland went on the lam after many witnessed him kill the beloved insect.

A local Uber driver who went missing last month has been found.

Garrison Mulholland appeared to vanish off the face of the Earth shortly after multiple friends, family members and neighbors saw him swat and kill a praying mantis during a party at his Napeague home on Saturday, August 24, apparently without considering the consequences, as he understood them at the time.

Mulholland resurfaced on Friday, September 13, explaining only that he had long believed killing a praying mantis was illegal. When he swatted and killed a large specimen at the party, the man went on the lam. He took the bare necessities, including several hundred dollars in cash, and got as far from the Hamptons as he could get without using credit cards, which would alert authorities.

“I grabbed some clothes and other essentials and hit the road,” Mulholland told police this week. “I wasn’t ready to do jail time for swatting that horrifying bug—it was a gut reaction, I wasn’t even thinking when I did it.”

Had he alerted fellow partiers of his plan, at least one of them could have explained that his assumption about the law when it comes to praying mantis killing, was wrong. “It’s funny, we even discussed it at the party after Garrison hit the thing,” Mulholland’s cousin, Rick Streeter, said this week. “Some people brought up the issue, and I told them it was an old wives tale of sorts—I even Googled it on my phone to prove it.”

Fortunately, as his money began to dry up, Mulholland complained to one of the other hobos at the camp where he was living, and the fellow traveler, Boxcar Daryl, told him the good news: Killing a praying mantis is not illegal. Some might say it’s immoral, but others could point out that the terrifying creatures are known for killing and eating hummingbirds, which is pretty gross.

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