Police Blotter

Hamptons Police Dept. Blows Up Internet with New Social Media Strategy

New HPD PR Director Rex Gallant has unveiled an exciting plan for online dominance.

The Hamptons Police Department is getting mixed reviews on new Public Relations Director Rex Gallant’s initiative to “expand the Department’s social media presence with fresh, hip and exciting content.” According to Gallant, the strategy, which includes MySpace, Friendster, Instagram, Habbo Hotel, Twitter, Facebook, Club Penguin, YouTube, Google+ and, inexplicably, Snapchat, is aimed at gaining followers and a consistent flow of likes, shares and comments.

“The HPD is full of interesting personalities doing interesting and often hilarious things,” Gallant says. “We’ve got some big things planned, so make sure to follow the Hamptons_Police_Department across all platforms if you don’t want to miss anything.”

In the coming weeks, Gallant explains that the Department will become a preeminent influencer through their mix of targeted content. “Our followers can expect to see some spontaneous, heartwarming moments, like pulling drivers over and giving them Christmas gifts instead of tickets,” the HPD spokesman continues. “But we’ve also got some truly hysterical practical jokes coming, like our Wake Up Call series, where we’ll be doing 2 a.m. raids, smashing down doors at the homes of innocent citizens and tossing flashbang grenades into their bedrooms,” Gallant adds. “Once we have everyone lined up against a wall or face down on the floor with their wrists zip-tied, we’ll announce it was all a joke. Each video will end with us saying, ‘This is your Wake Up Call!’”

More simple posts will feature officers’ meals, tips on things like shining shoes and how to properly adhere to police grooming standards, and even add, as Gallant describes it, “some sexy HPD thirst tweets” to the mix.

Hamptons Police Department thirst tweet featuring two hunky cops
Hamptons Police Department thirst tweet, Photo: lanak/123RF, Courtesy HPD

“I have no doubt such photos will inspire our followers to begin shipping officers, support staff and top brass by January, and we might even shoot some ‘What If?’ videos depicting how these couples might interact if they were actually in those fantasy relationships,” Gallant says. Speaking of fantasy, the community is also welcome to visit the gorgeous virtual HPD headquarters, Hamptons Police Heaven, accessible through Portal Park 3 in Second Life.

“We’re even working on a Cooking at HQ series with your favorite local cops making their favorite meals at the precinct,” Gallant says, noting that the series will be shared via regular videos on all platforms, or performed by better-looking avatars in Hamptons Police Heaven. “Who wouldn’t want to eat baked ziti a la Sgt. Guy Mansere in our world or in Second Life?” the new PR guru asks.

Finally, Gallant says the HPD already has sponsorships lined up for their Hamptons Beat Podcast, brought to you by Triangle Space, RedChew, Rancor and, of course, Dan’s Papers. “We’re going to be the hottest police department on the line,” Gallant says. “Don’t miss the fun.”

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