Windmill Hamptons

On behalf of the Hamptons, East, Bridge, South and the other communities, I would like to officially welcome Westhampton Beach to the Hamptons. It’s been a long time coming, I know, but now with the introduction of you, sir, on the great lawn at the very entrance to your village, a true, historic 19th century windmill, it’s finally the case. Please, sir, tell us a little about yourself.

Well, I’ve been in the community since I was built in 1870…

Excuse me if I interrupt. You’ve been part of a residence on private property until now, and so not until this move you can’t say you were in a community. You are now in public, on the main street, available to be photographed by all and even touched up close, so you’ve earned positive markers, with the result you’re now part of our community. Proceed.

Okay. I was built by the governor of New York, John Adams Dix, that year.   You’re right.  On the property of his vacation home on Sunswyck Lane. As you can see, I am tall. Twice as tall as many of you.

You played basketball?

The reason is, my job was to pump water up to a holding tank in my top. My blades would turn, a piston would push the water up a pipe, and high up the governor and his family thus had water pressure. Water pressure for agriculture, for livestock, and for flush toilets. A wonder of the age.

There’s nothing wrong with outhouses.

I’m not saying there was. This was just different. And you could wash up afterwards. The rest of you used the wind to grind corn and wheat into flour.  I was using wind – I was the only windmill that used wind in this way on eastern Long Island. Before or since.

I must say we looked long and hard at your situation before offering you entry. Clearly you are a giant among windmills. Not that your great height would matter. We are a fully compliant non-discrimination organization. But we are always on the lookout for fake windmills. We find them in used car lots, in shopping centers, even in the center of towns such as in Sag Harbor here, where a fake windmill was built at the entrance to Long Wharf in 1996 so the Chamber of Commerce could have a tourist center for the giving out of souvenirs and pamphlets. Isn’t that right, Saggy? Well, he’s here as an observer, not a member, and we let him take notes and ultimately create the minutes of our monthly meetings.

We used to have a windmill in Sag Harbor. But they moved it away years ago.

Yes they did. You know these windmills just sat on stones. A team of horses pulling ropes could move a windmill from one farm to another as needed.

(Giggling is heard.)

They were farm implements. Same as plows or wagons. Shall we call you Mr. Dix?

Yes.

Let me introduce the rest of the board. There is Mr. Bridgehampton, we call him Bridgie.

Howdy.  I’m not exactly in the center of town.  But I’m just a short walk down Ocean Avenue.   Still in a prominent place.

I’m actually also a short walk down from the business section too.

And we have Miss Mills here, in the center of Water Mill right on the triangle.

Welcome to Oh! Hamptons.

That’s our official name. “Official Historic! Hamptons. Oh!”  Just like that. Right on our website.

We have the James Lane twins in East Hampton.   That’s Mr. Home Sweet Home and Mr. Gardiner.

Welcome.

Welcome.

And Miss Pantigo.

Glad ta meetcha.

And in Southampton we have Admiral Bailey.   He’s been moved to atop a hill on the campus of Southampton College.   And not very happy about it.

For years and years I was on Windmill Lane in the center of town.   But they moved me up here in 1890. I hope to get back.

And you will, sir, you will.

And lastly there is me, call me Hook. I’m the Hook Mill that anchors the eastern end of Main Street in East Hampton and chairman  of this board. Also on this board is Mr. Georgica.  He sits across a farm field from Main Street Wainscott in that town. And a handsome mill you are, sir.

We meet once a month, by Zoom, obviously, since all of you have a job to do so can’t be here in person, the second Thursday in the month. We just voted you in before we let you sign on, so now I have to give you the password, which consists of tapping the edge of one of your blades to the top of your computer screen. It will immediately let you in to the meeting.

And now, I will read you the monthly message we send out to the general public after every meeting. We voted on this earlier today. Excuse me? You wanted to talk about Hampton Bays and is this a good time? Well, no, we’ve already discussed this and you can’t let us accept Hampton Bays as your little brother into our group. We will invite him as an observer, however.   And when the day comes and Hampton Bays is able to secure and then move a historic mill into town we can talk further about offering them a membership at Oh! Hamptons. And hopefully that will come soon.

So here is the letter we are sending out.

Could I ask Mr. Westy a question before you read that?

He’s to be addressed as Mr. Dix.

Sorry.  Mr. Dix. Was Dix a good governor? I was just wondering if he was a nice person.

Well, he passed laws making education mandatory and put to rest the panic of 1873. He was also, before that, a Civil War major general. Fort Dix is named for him.  But then again, he only served one term.

Thank you for that.

Okay. And now here is our message. It is going out today, Aug. 15.

Dear Hamptonites:

Are you appalled by the traffic situation in the Hamptons? Have you taken a shortcut only to find that it’s bumper to bumper, the Wi-Fi has cut out, and you can’t tell where to turn?   Pull in to one of the many public parks that feature a historic Hampton windmill.  Relax, get out of your car and stretch your legs. Wait for panic to subside. Take a photo. Then sit on a bench for awhile. You will be glad you did.

Oh!  Hamptons