'Up from Palm Beach' Parade Welcomes Summer in the Hamptons

Here from Palm Beach and leading the parade, as it always does, were the lifeguards. Unmistakable with their white lip gloss, sandy blond hair, sunglasses and flip-flops, they walked along, hundreds of them, barefoot, waving to the crowd. The lifegaurds all wore the red bathing suits required in the Hamptons, replacing the green bathing suits of Palm Beach they’d been wearing all winter.

Directly behind them, on dozens of floats, were hundreds of white lifeguard stands, accompanied by dozens of fashion models wearing the latest bikinis soon to be available at pop-up stores that had recently popped down on Worth Avenue.

Next came the traffic policemen, hundreds of them, each carrying a long stick with chalk at the end for marking tires of cars that might overpark their allowed stays. These not only came from Palm Beach but also from Boca. As with everyone, they had come north for the summer by train, car, and just plain marching.

Then came the celebrities, 200 of them in all, on foot, walking along smiling and waving.

Next came members of the annex fire departments — men and women arriving in the pumper vehicles, hook and ladder trucks and rescue vans — all seasonal additions to the main fire departments of Palm Beach and the Hamptons with the magnetized signs on the cockpit doors reading “The Hamptons,” which a few days earlier had replaced signs reading “Palm Beach.”

After that, on foot, were the 174 billionaires from the Hamptons-Palm Beach circuit, throwing bitcoins at the crowd.   And then there were the party planners, hundreds of them, waving to the crowd with one hand and swinging clipboards with the other.

And behind them were the valet parking people, some on foot blowing whistles and others in customers’ cars looking for places to park in the Hamptons.

High overhead circling around were the extra helicopters that brought medical emergencies now to Stony Brook Southampton Hospital.

Beneath them came rows and rows of food trucks, some that sold ice cream and others that sold pizzas, dosas and hot dogs, some of which they tossed to the crowd. They’d soon be parking at one or another of the hundred roads that dead end at the beaches here.

Next were the polo players, all Argentinian, on horseback, each wearing a shirt with a number on the back, and each with a mallet on a long stick which, while riding, they gently tapped a wooden ball to get it a little further ahead or, occasionally, into the crowd for a lucky souvenir hunter.

Then came 50 horseback riders in tuxedoes, sitting atop jumpers that would compete in the Hampton Classic Horse Show.

A small ragtag group of actors wearing Shakespearian outfits followed the polo players, fresh from efforts on stage at the Kravis Center for the Performing Arts in Palm Beach and now looking to appear at the newly renovated John Drew Theater in East Hampton. They carried long waste pick-up sticks and plastic sacks to pick up the horse poop with one hand while holding their noses with the other.

Fifty floats each with 20 oil paintings on wooden easels came towed along by farm tractors after the thespians. Each of the floats was an art gallery concoction, curated by a gallery owner with both Palm Beach and Hampton connections. The paintings faced sideways on both sides, so the crowds on the sidewalks could get a good look at them.

A gaggle of 200 tennis instructors in white walked along behind the art gallery floats. Each carried a tennis ball they bounced with a racket as they came.   All had pockets bulging with more tennis balls to replace the ones that got away.

And behind them was another group in white, walking along. These were the chefs from Palm Beach coming to the Hamptons, to work either in private homes or restaurants. They all wore the white puffy toque hats that chefs wear. Amongst them was a metal stove on wheels with something good cooking. You could smell it.

Two huge tents, also on wheels, followed behind the chefs. In the first, authors sat at tables bearing copies of their books and chatted with other authors at other tables. They’d be at Author’s Night in the Hamptons where everyone is invited to buy books to benefit the East Hampton Library, having come up from meeting an author for an evening in Palm Beach.

The other tent was one of the Dan’s Taste events. Dan’s Papers will be holding five this summer where dozens of restaurants set up stands to give away drinks and tasty snacks to eager participants. The stands were from other events held by Dan’s in Palm Beach.

Behind the tents came workmen from various fireworks companies who in both Palm Beach and the Hamptons set off displays at weddings, birthday parties, Fourth of July celebrations in the Hamptons, and New Year celebrations in Palm Beach. Each had its own fireworks displays in giant metal bins on wheels while they walked along.

And then, toward the rear, there came two baseball teams from the annual East Hampton Artists & Writers Charity Softball Game, hitting softballs out into the crowd with their baseball bats. They’d last been seen hitting balls in the Florida Grapefruit League.

Dozens and dozens of farmers on tractors and fishermen on platforms came along, tractors covered in vegetables and the platforms covered in fish. These towns are horns of plenty.

And then, as the grand finale, came a huge glass water tank on wheels in which both a porpoise (from Palm Beach) and a seal (from the Hamptons) were swimming around.  Up top on a throne were King Neptune with his crown and scepter, smiling and waving, and with Ms. Neptune, throwing free oranges from West Palm and potatoes from the Hamptons, respectively.

What a parade! Welcome to summer!