Hamptons Police Blotter: Costume Party on Shelter Island Goes Horribly Wrong

Just when you thought the Police Blotter couldn’t get any stranger, Old Man McGumbus on Shelter Island takes out a guy who is wearing a Darth Vader costume. Here’s that story, and some other interesting reports from the last week in the Hamptons.

Not Too Smart

A man in Hampton Bays was caught with prescription drugs and later went unconscious after he consumed them in order to destroy the evidence.

Shelter Island

Old Man McGumbus, 104 years old and former World War II submarine fire fighter, was arrested last week after he attended the Grand Springtime Costume Ball at the Shelter Island Sylvester Goodyear Hall on 777 White Street. McGumbus, who attended the party as a Storm Trooper from the movie Star Wars, got into a fight with Shelter Island resident and famous German mathematician Heinrich Braun-Schinsteizer, who invented the statistic method known as the Bell Curve, and is 96 years old. Heinrich attended the party dressed as Darth Vader from Star Wars. When McGumbus arrived at the party, he immediately became irate after he saw Heinrich and deliberately tripped Heinrich with his foot and took off his Darth Vader mask. Witnesses reported McGumbus saying, “I TOLD YOU WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN IF I SAW YOU SHOWING UP IN THIS OUTFIT HEINRICH! LET’S SEE YOU BELL CURVE YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE YOU GOD DAMN HIPPIE!” and began beating Heinrich with the Darth Vader mask. Heinrich began fighting back and the two wrestled throughout the grand hall as hundreds of people all watched in horror. The seven-foot-tall cake that was baked for the party was completely destroyed after the two of them smashed into it while bringing each other to the ground. One witness who was dressed in a banana suit said, “At one point I think McGumbus was biting Heinrich’s right ankle. You could tell because the paramedic had to remove a set of false teeth from his ankle when it was all over. If you ask me, McGumbus, for the most part, won the fight, but man does he fight dirty.”

McGumbus was arrested for the assault and was released on his own recognizance.

Caught By A Backpack

Three teens were caught in Westhampton for vandalism after police reviewed a surveillance tape of three people damaging public restrooms. One of the police officers investigating the incident recognized the backpack the teen was wearing, questioned the teen involved in the incident and got him to squeal on the others involved. No charges have been filed and restitution is being considered.

Stay Away

The man who broke into P. Diddy’s house in East Hampton and then decided to do a little eating and sleeping and was later arrested for stalking and trespassing, was told by a judge that he was to stay away from P. Diddy and the home and that he could be facing jail time.