Dog on the Roof: Parade of Station Wagons will go to Republican Convention

If anybody thinks that Mitt Romney is going to be a pushover this fall, consider this. Five days before the beginning of the Republican Convention in Tampa Bay, Florida on August 27, a group of his most enthusiastic supporters will launch caravans of station wagons to Florida from the other three corners of the country—beginning at San Diego, Seattle and Bangor, Maine. They will make a single-file procession of cars the likes of which have never been seen in America.

“It’s going to be an enormous outpouring of support for our man,” said Joel Spalding of San Diego. “Who says we are not fully committed to Mitt?”

Each and every station wagon in these caravans will have a dog in a cage strapped to the roof.

“The courage and determination of these dogs,” said Spalding, “will mirror the courage and determination of our party. We will prevail. Mitt Romney will be our next President. And our dogs, wagging their tails, will survive.”

The cavalcade will be a tribute to Romney and what happened years ago with his family when he lived in Michigan. The family was going on vacation. Romney loaded up his station wagon with his wife, children and luggage, and, because there was no room for the family dog Seamus, who wanted to go, they strapped the dog carrier to the roof and drove the 12 hours to the lake with him on top. At one point, the dog got sick up there and defecated. The family noticed some of the poop coming down over the windshield. And so Romney pulled off the road at the next gas station, where he borrowed a hose from the mechanic and washed the dog up there along with the cage and the mess before proceeding on. Seamus was no worse for the wear. The family subsequently had a great time on vacation. And this story of the dog on the roof has been a favorite family legend.

Several committees are being set up for this operation. There will be a committee to link up people with only station wagons or dogs. Many Republican dog owners don’t have station wagons. And many Republican station wagon owners don’t have dogs. The rule will be station wagons first, then if the owners don’t have a dog, they go to the dog volunteer list. It won’t be done the other way around, with the dog owners looking for station wagons. People shouldn’t be driving cars owned by strangers, although there would be nothing wrong with having dog owners arrange privately to borrow a friend’s car.

There is also a committee being set up to arrange to have all the dogs and their owners show up on the convention floor (leashed of course) to show their support for Romney. However, according to a steering committee setting up this committee, the outpouring of people with station wagons and dogs is so great that there will be far too many dogs to fit on the convention floor. The steering committee has thus begun talks with the owner of the stadium where the Tampa Bay Rays play. (The baseball team will be playing away games that week.)

There also will be a committee to visit all the gas stations on the three routes to Florida, alerting them of the possible need for hoses. And of course there will be committees working on locations to set up media photo ops of the caravans as they go by. These caravans are expected to get enormous publicity for Romney, especially on Fox.

This is a big operation. Early estimates suggest there will be more than 10,000 cars in each of these caravans. An awful lot of dog cages are going to be needed. (However, the owner of Alpo, a big supporter of Romney’s, has said his cage making division will go on triple shift—making cages 24 hours a day and 7 days a week for the next three months. In China. No dog will be left behind.

To participate, go to the site patrioticdogcaravansformitt.com, which, as of this writing, is expected to be online by next week. All the information you will need for you and your dog to join in this effort will be there.