Dan Rattiner's Stories

Jobs Lane: Kardashians Open a Clothing Store, But Is It for Show or for Real?

So here’s the deal. There is a new clothing boutique on Jobs Lane next to the Driver’s Seat that may or may not actually be a clothing boutique. It’s called DASH, as in Kardashian.

The Kardashians are making a TV reality show for E! called Kourtney & Khloe Take the Hamptons, and part of the show will surely be these Kardashians in their summer home, out on the beach, bopping through town, going to parties and having fun while running a pop-up summer store in Southampton.

So my question is: Is this a real store? I want to buy a dress or an accessory for my loving wife, and I go into the store and find something for her, but will it be for sale? I mean really for sale? I’m sure I will be filmed. This is reality, baby! You go in there and you’re part of the show.

But what about the money? I imagine I take out some cash and put it on the counter with the flouncy size six red dress for my beloved, someone yells “Cut!” and the cameras pause, a man with headphones runs out, sets some fake money on the counter, gives me my money back and says just put it in your pocket fast and don’t move until we say “rolling,” and then they take the fake money, box up the dress with a beautiful bow, film me smiling and waving as I go back out onto the busy street, and then run after me to get the box back.

On the other hand, I might go home with the dress, my beloved opens it and inside is a cheap paper knockoff of this $1,500 Kardashian original—they did the old switcheroo—with a note saying she is welcome to stop in with it and the Kardashians will autograph it on the tags as a priceless memento, since a Kardashian autograph is more valuable than $1,500 and they really couldn’t part with the red original because they need it for the next episode. It has to be the original.

Thus do reality and fantasy merge. Or not. I’m a little over my head. Probably only Southampton Mayor Mark Epley knows for sure.

For the record, and the media has been babbling away about the details of all this, Khloe and Kourtney may or may not be renting a place for themselves, boyfriends and family, this summer. Most pop-up stores in the Hamptons rent for $30,000 to $60,000 for the summer, but, according to The Daily News, at least, who cited unnamed “insiders,” the cost of the rental will be nothing for the Kardashians; the News said the landlord, Irma Herzog, who owns the Driver’s Seat Restaurant next door, hopes they will film part of their show in the dining room thereand, also, once the filming starts, that lots of new people will be coming to the Driver’s Seat. Everybody has to eat, after all. Except if they are clones or holograms or stand-ins, in which case, maybe not.

Sister Kim Kardashian will reportedly be out for part of the summer as well, before heading back to California, now that the filming of her wedding (her third), to Kanye West, is complete. Will this one last? There were rumors that the two K’s almost rented a store at 35 Main Street, around the corner from Jobs Lane, but they went with Herzog. And what about all those people who are complaining to Page Six, gossip magazines and news commentators that the reality show and store will bring unwanted “trash” to Southampton in the same way that Snooki and company brought unwanted trash to the, uh, Jersey Shore? But are those making these complaints just being paid by the reality show producers and their marketing people to say that?

Now let’s talk about you personally. Are the people “friending” you on Facebook really your friends? Is that really your father? Aren’t you lying about your age? And what do you mean you have not had any liposuction? I’ve Googled you. And all your medical records are out there, those hackers do such a good job.

Twenty-five years ago, the editors of a weekly newspaper in Manhattan decided to see if a person sitting on the sidewalk and panhandling on Jobs Lane would be allowed to do that. They’re allowed to do that in Manhattan.

Unfortunately, there were no panhandlers sitting on the sidewalk on Jobs Lane or anywhere else, so the editors sent the next best thing, an employee of the newspaper who happened to be their best reporter. He was out there, sitting on a ratty blanket for about two hours, when a cop came and told him to move along. He moved along. And then he wrote about it.

As I write this, there are at least six different film crews that I know of who are out and about here, covering fashion-magazine shoots and making TV dramas, reality shows for cable, movies, commercials, and documentaries. There’s even a documentary about the making of a documentary. It’s also true that we get called for copies of Dan’s Papers for set dressing for such TV series as Royal Pains and we are proud of it.

And every day when I go out between Memorial Day and Labor Day, people stop me and say, “Aren’t you Dan from Dan’s Papers?” And then they turn and say to someone next to them, “Martha, it’s really him, Dan from Dan’s Papers.”

And I say, “No I’m not. I’m his stand-in. We’re making a movie about Dan’s Papers and he’s here now but at the moment he’s giving an interview so I’m standing in, what’s your name?”

About 20 years ago, I was looking for an editor for a glossy summer magazine I wanted to publish monthly under the Dan’s Papers umbrella. (Ultimately, we did publish it for two years. It was called H.) Someone suggested that one of the daughters of a prominent Southampton family should be considered. They knew everybody. They could do the job. I don’t remember the first name of the pretty young woman I met for coffee, but I do remember the last name. It was Kardashian. But in the end, this person said she didn’t want to be considered, so I hired someone else.

I do remember thinking, though, what a great name, Kardashian. With a name like that, somebody could go far. Probably had already, in banking or mergers, which is why they had a family manse in Southampton. And these were the kids.

Sure beats Rattiner.


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