Kardashian Fans Propose Dash Hampton Community in Napeague

A small but vocal and growing group of local Kardashian fans have proposed that an oceanfront neighborhood in East Hampton Township be rebranded “Dash Hampton” in honor of the famous family opening a store in Southampton and filming a show for E! there this summer.

The area in question is a collection of six short streets south of Route 27 in Napeague, and homeowners there are asking that East Hampton Town allow them to erect modest white and gold “Dash Hampton” signs at each street corner, as well as a larger sign marking the neighborhood’s entrance, which would be visible from the highway. In addition, because a handful of detractors are unwilling to join the movement, participating homes would install the same Dash Hampton logo on their mailboxes as a sign of solidarity with likeminded neighbors.

“Kourtney and Khloé—and occasionally Kim—have taken the Hamptons, and we’re going to be a part of it before they’re gone,” local heiress and would-be Dash Hampton president Porsche Lansdale explained on Wednesday. “We already have a homeowners’ association here, so at the heart of it, this is really just a rebranding of what’s already here,” Lansdale said. “Besides, Southampton shouldn’t be the only town to get in on the Kardashi-action,” “Of course the Kardashian family will always be welcome to move in—even Rob—if they so desire,” she said. “We’ll find a way to make room,” Lansdale added, glaring at the house next door.

The Dash Hampton president said she and some 15 women in the neighborhood regularly gather for cocktails and viewing sessions of all the latest reality television shows, such as The Real Housewives of New York City on Bravo and Keeping Up with the Kardashians on E!. “Hello? This just totally makes sense,” Lansdale remarked while composing a text message. “It would be so fetch.”

Later, as Lansdale and her fellow South Fork pioneers gathered on the dunes—literally, ON the dunes—for group yoga, several men and women trickled out of neighboring houses, hoping to weigh in on the Dash Hampton debate. While glancing furtively toward the Dash Hampton group—ensconced in pink velour and contorting on the dunes—one aged homeowner revealed her petition to stop the rebranding effort.

“They may appear to be lovely young ladies, but I’m really feeling threatened here,” Martha Hemlet said, once safely out of earshot from her neighbors. “I honestly don’t even know who these Kardashians are, but I don’t like what I’m hearing.”

Hemlet said she collected dozens of signatures, including many from outside the neighborhood, and even a few from husbands of the most vocal Dash Hampton supporters. “I’ve submitted a grievance to the East Hampton Town Board, but I fear my efforts may be in vain,” she added, noting, “These Kardashians are quite popular.”

Local officials have yet to comment on the matter, which is getting uglier by the day.

“I know all about Ms. Hemlet and her little petition,” Dash Hampton’s proposed vice president Tiffany Scarsdale said, smoking a cigarette and accepting approving nods from her peers after yoga. “Don’t you worry, we have ways of changing people’s minds.”