Blog Du Jour

Drunk News: Plum Island as Ebola Biocontainment Unit?

You never know what to expect when you enter an East End bar this time of year. Drunk news always makes for quality entertainment.

For example, a very intoxicated local recently told me that the federal government is considering using Plum Island as an ebola bio-containment unit. Was this the booze talking? Conjecture of a madman? You decide.

My completely plastered and not credible source states, “Plum Island is being considered for exclusive usage as the United States’ ebola bio-containment unit. That would mean that all ebola patients, suspected or otherwise, would be transferred to the unit for treatment or observation.”

Plum Island does seem like an obvious choice, given its isolated location and previous usage. For those who are not familiar, Plum Island, located just off our coast, was used for decades as a laboratory to study animal diseases. It was also used to study the potential of secret biological weapons that could specifically target livestock.

RELATED: Plum Island—The Ultimate Adventure Theme Park?

The Island is also the site of the former military installation known as Fort Terry. I could go on and on about what we know and don’t know occurred on Plum Island, but I am not as concerned with the past as I am about the future.

My inebriated source elaborated, telling me that ebola patients would be transported in a “specially designed” military plane directly to the Frances S. Gabreski Airport in Westhampton. At that point they would be transferred via a “specially designed” ebola bus dockside, where they will then be shuttled by boat directly to Plum Island.

This all seems logical since the Department of Homeland Security has controlled access to the Island. Forget the fact that the Island is supposed be developed by private industry going forward. We all know that when our government wants to do something, they do it.

I’m not sure what any of us living so close to Plum Island can do, especially since this is allegedly top secret information, given only to the East End’s most blotto residents. This could be a disaster for our region if it did indeed comes to pass. It could cause real estate prices to drop, tourists to stop visiting and pose imminent danger to our families.

It should be noted, however, that regular Americans currently have a 1 in 13.3 million chance of contracting ebola in 2014, according to npr.org.

I will keep area residents informed as to what else I am able to discover in future meetings with blitzed locals. I have set up another meeting with my informant at a local bar later this week. I’m reasonably certain that after a half dozen drinks, like before, he’ll talk.

If we switch to beer, maybe he’ll tell me about that base in Montauk?

Heard anything good at your local watering hole? Tell us your drunk news on Facebook and Twitter, or in the comments below. Use #DansDrunkNews!

READ MORE BLOGS BY MR. SNEIV!

The above photograph “Plumisland” by kyselak (own work) is licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0. It has been altered to include the man in hazmat suit.

Facebook Comments

Show More

Related Articles

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *