February 10, 2015
To: Patrick R. Donahoe, Postmaster General of the United States of America
Re: Request # 6042-5684-A-USPS-NY 11968
Comes now Mr. Sneiv with the following request:
That all postal areas currently represented on the South Fork of the East End of Long Island, and other areas to be specified, be consolidated for the purpose of mail delivery and designated as “Hamptons,” NY.
That the designation of the postal name “Hamptons” shall in no way compromise the sovereignty of the governments of the municipalities currently represented in the various zip codes.
That the front of all letters and packages delivered to Hamptons be stamped as “Special Delivery,” in order to emphasize the importance of the recipients.
That a series of Hamptons stamps be issued in the Calendar years 2015-2020. Said stamps shall depict the many assets of the area, including but not limited to celebrities and artists.
That all Hamptons postal service delivery persons be issued new uniforms that include dress shoes/boots, black slacks, white shirt, tie and blazer/coats with a “Hamptons” insignia on the pocket.
That all Hamptons postal service delivery persons be issued new Mercedes delivery trucks that are more in fashion with the ambiance of the area.
That all Hamptons postal delivery persons be given a raise equal to 250 percent of their current salary, because it isn’t cheap for a postal service person to live out here.
That all mail addressed to Hamptons be given sorting priority over mail for less important areas of the country, i.e., everywhere else.
I am aware that the USPS has been losing money for some time now. In consideration of this, if you can see fit to grant the requests included herein, I hereby authorize you to increase the amount of postage for a standard letter addressed to the Hamptons, NY delivery area from .49 cents to $2.
I await your response.
Mr. Sneiv, on behalf of the residents of the Hamptons, NY.