The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of April 5–12, 2016

Week of April 5–12, 2016
Riders this past week: 12,412
Rider miles this past week: 105,834

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Kim Cattrall was seen sashaying across the East Hampton platform towards a waiting train Thursday morning. We don’t know where she was going but she was on the eastbound side. She got on. The train pulled out. She was gone. Jules Feiffer and Joan Holden, holding hands, took the subway from Sagaponack to Wainscott Monday evening.

RAIN DELAYS
Due to the heavy rains last Sunday and Monday, trains were running behind by about 20 minutes. Earlier, they were running behind schedule because of high winds on Friday and Saturday. Who knows what’s going to happen next.

BEST OF THE BEST
Last year, for the first time, Hamptons Subway won the award for the Best of the Best Subway System in the Hamptons. We were happy to win this, even though, as some poor sports noted, we’re the ONLY subway system in the Hamptons. Well, we say we are happy to be that too! In any case, this year, Hamptons Subway and Dan’s Papers are proud to announce a little wrinkle in the Best of the Best Awards by asking everybody to vote online which Subway platform is the best. Is it the Westhampton Beach station with it’s bronze statue of President George H. W. Bush arm in arm with our Commissioner Bill Aspinall to commemorate the time the Commissioner took the President on a system-wide tour? Is it Sagaponack Station with its wine cellar, cigar bar and antlered moose head above the turnstiles? Or is it Montauk, with its array of colorful surfboards affixed to the platform walls, each one honoring a different Montauk surfer killed or maimed by a shark in years gone by? Or maybe it’s the Springs station where the 20-foot-wide drip painting by Jackson Pollock covers the entire platform floor from one side to the other? It’s up to you, dear reader. These are just suggestions. The winning station gets a framed certificate of achievement from Dan’s Papers.

TRUMP POSTER TAKEN DOWN
A huge, 20-foot-tall poster of Donald Trump standing in front of colorful American flags and making a point by raising an index finger has been removed from the side of the Hamptons Subway System Building in Hampton Bays. Supporters of Mr. Trump say it was put up there by supporters of his opponents in a bald-faced attempt to link the billionaire tycoon to Adolph Hitler. (The Hamptons Subway System subway headquarters was designed by Hitler’s architect Albert Speer at a time in the 1930s when Germany and America were getting along just fine.) Opponents of Mr. Trump say that the poster was put up by the supporters of Mr. Trump in an attempt to get it blamed on his opponents with the attendant arrests for not having a sign permit that might follow, with the attendant punishments. Mr. Trump, who held a campaign rally in Bethpage on Wednesday, had no comment to make except to say that if either side needed financial help for legal fees he would happily provide it.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
I never cease to wonder as I ride around on the different trains in our subway system what a miraculous achievement of American ingenuity and technology such a thing as our subway system is. Imagine the planners, the workers, the tunnel boring machines, the Italian wall tile installers, the escalator manufacturers, the trackmen, the Canadian subway car makers, the bankers and investors all working together to make this what it is today. I say amen to that!

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