Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of November 11–17, 2016

Hamptons Subway confrontation room
Hamptons Subway "contemplation" room, Photo: mrdoomits/123RF

Week of November 11–17, 2016
Riders this past week: 16,932
Rider miles this past week: 87,824

Scarlett Johansson, star of stage and screen, was seen taking the subway between East Hampton and the new Georgica Station last Thursday morning. Jennifer Lopez, the actress, singer and superstar was seen heading from Amagansett to Napeague on Friday morning.

Beginning next Monday, regular subway riders will occasionally experience the stupendous roar of our newest diesel subway engine as it leads a train into a station. It came to us by accident. One of our 455 horsepower diesel engines threw a rod Tuesday night and maintenance had to order a replacement. Montreal Engines, the company that makes our engines, by mistake sent a replacement that produces 4,555 horsepower. It fit into the engine compartment at the front of its car and we didn’t realize it until we started it up. We tried to return it. But as it was now used, they wouldn’t take it back. They also found the order form from us and it was for 4,555 horsepower. Carl Orderly, our maintenance manager, has since left the company, but it’s in his handwriting. Lead car #8 now sports this engine, and our motormen have been trained, when assigned this car, to go lightly on the accelerator. Still it makes a tremendous roar. Listen for it. It comes through as every sixth train on the circuit. Tell your kids about it.

Our new Belgian public relations director, Bello Squatt, has announced his first promotion. Anyone who boards Hamptons Subway at any stop before 8 a.m. and doesn’t disembark before 11 p.m. will win a free pumpkin for as long as supplies last. The promotion began last Thursday. So far there are no winners. Come on, folks—we got all these pumpkins here.

A blaze broke out on Tuesday in the company cafeteria on the fourth floor of the Hamptons Subway Headquarters Building in Hampton Bays and it took 40 minutes for the fire department to put it out. The cause of it was a cooking class, one of the educational programs we provide for staff, since the union forced us to do them in their new labor contract.

Famous French chef Jacque Bretone of the Basque Peninsula in Western France was giving the class and demonstrating the way to cook several fiery dishes that included Hot Sizzling Steak splashed with oil, a cognac flambé and a hot birthday cake with lit candles and sparklers. Several motormen attending the class said they were very impressed before the fire started, and expressed the hope that the class would not be cancelled.

The Hamptons Subway office building has gone 21st century. The room on the third floor opposite the cafeteria has been a storage area since the old Morse Code Radio Room outlived its usefulness. Last Monday, it re-opened as a company contemplation room where people come in, listen to soft music and sit on pillows. It’s only had one taker so far, however. And that was a token booth clerk who went in and screamed her head off for an hour while throwing things. We’ve since found that the sign on the door reads Confrontation Room. It should be repainted next month.

The holidays have arrived and, as we do every year, we are asking staff to contribute their pocket change every day so we can buy one Thanksgiving Butterball Turkey to give away. Leave coins in the suggestion box any day until November 22.


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