The Hamptons Police Fashion Division announced this week that the wearing and display of man-buns in the Hamptons, hitherto considered a misdemeanor offense punishable by fine, will henceforth be treated as an imminent threat to health and safety. Police are now authorized to take immediate action when they observe a man wearing a man-bun.
Man-buns, for the lucky few who are unaware of their existence, are an unfortunate male appropriation of a typically female hairstyle in which long hair is gathered into a tight ball somewhere on the head and restrained there using some form of elastic tie, comb or other device.
While the Fashion Division considers buns acceptable when worn by females, who typically use them to control very long hair and whose bun-based hairstyles are often ornate and aesthetically pleasing, the Fashion Division has for many years forbidden men from adopting the style.
The following is from the text of the regulation promulgated in 2004 by the Fashion Division:
While it is acknowledged that a man-bun can have a practical application for controlling long hair, the Fashion Division has found that the distress that they cause among observers due to their disgusting appearance outweighs the benefits. Many innocent people have had the frightening experience of mistaking a man-bun for a rodent or some kind of nest growing on another person’s scalp, and this has frequently led to nausea, fainting and symptoms of shock.
Going forward, Hamptons Police officers will be authorized to remove man-buns—by force if necessary—in order to limit people’s exposure to this public health menace. Fines may or may not be levied, often depending upon a perpetrator’s willingness to comply with directives from police.