The Hamptons Police Art Inspection Unit acted this week to demolish artist studios on several properties in the Hamptons, stating that, upon reviewing canvases and sculpture, they had determined that what was being produced in the studios did not qualify as art.
“Look, the law is very clear,” Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch says. “You can have a studio on your property if it’s used for the production of art. Over the past month, the highly trained Art Inspection Unit looked at what was coming out of these particular studios—I’m told they saw a lot of paintings of dogs, beach scenes and old barns—and determined that it wasn’t art.”
The decisions came as a terrible shock to the property owners affected, who showed up to a recent official meeting to protest. According to Hirsch, though, the decisions of the Art Inspection Unit are not subject to review.
“If they say it’s kitsch without artistic value, then that’s the final word,” Hirsch says.