Police Blotter

Motorists Ask Why Digital Speed Trackers Fail to Also Show Limits

The Hamptons Police Department unveiled a new speed limit program last week, following the permanent installation of new digital speed trackers on area roads.

In the short time since these units have been in operation, it has been widely observed that the digital speed trackers, which inform motorists of the speed that they are currently going, are unaccompanied by signs informing motorists of how fast they SHOULD be going. This has led to some confusion, as motorists have scrutinized the signs to try to determine how to react.

Some skeptical drivers have even questioned the utility of apprising motorists of their speed if motorists are not simultaneously made aware of the speed limit. But according to Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch, this is all part of the plan.

“In the interest of greater flexibility, we are adopting a self-policing plan on some area roads. There will be no set speed limit, but we will show motorists how fast they are going so that they can judge for themselves whether it’s a safe speed.” In his Thursday news conference, Hirsch cited international examples of successful self-regulation on motorways. “You know, there are no set speed limits on the German Autobahn, and people generally drive at speeds they are comfortable traveling at. Why shouldn’t that model work here?”

Some reporters, however, pointed out that the German Autobahn system features highly engineered, limited-access highways with carefully banked curves and unimpeded sight lines, in sharp contrast to the twisty back roads that are the subject of the local program.

Hirsch was not happy with the line of inquiry. “Look, from now on, it’ll be up to you to figure out how fast you should drive around here. So stop being babies about it. Next subject.”

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