The Hamptons Police have issued a statement after receiving a deluge of panicked calls from across the East End. The callers reported seeing President Donald Trump in numerous locations on the North and South Forks, and the police affirm that most of the callers were panicking because they were convinced they were hallucinating.
“Put yourself in their shoes,” Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch said. “You’re driving down some peaceful backstreet in Amagansett or Southold, and all of a sudden there’s what looks like the President walking down the sidewalk with a few guys who look like bodyguards. You might think you were losing it, too!”
According to police, there is a simple explanation for this phenomenon.
From the statement: “Federal authorities have disclosed to us that they are currently housing a certain number of Donald Trump lookalikes in various East End villages. These are decoy Trumps, specially trained to appear in various places when the President would prefer to be in Florida or New Jersey.
Apparently, these decoy Trumps had been staying in the White House, but this had been causing trouble because some of them are so good at imitating Trump that they had been found to be taking the President’s place in meetings.
It was decided to remove the decoy Trumps to a safe location, from which they will be recalled as necessary to perform only their specific functions.
We ask that you try to ignore these decoy Trumps while they’re here, and inform police if any of them get unruly.”