Quack! Mute Swan Meeting on Long Island Postponed

For those of you who might not have heard, the informational meeting the State of New York intended to hold on September 30 about mute swans has been postponed. The new date and time is Thursday, October 26 at 6 p.m. The venue remains the same. It is the Suffolk County Water Authority’s Education Center at 360 Motor Parkway in Hauppauge.

We have reason to believe that this postponement was arranged at the last minute in order to screw up the activities we had planned for the day, but rest assured all of our protests calling attention to the injustice about to be inflicted on the mute swans will take place anyway at the new date and time—although some of it will have to be revised somewhat.

Let me remind you of what the State decreed in its original plan last fall. The beautiful mute swans are to be branded an invasive species. Having taken over many ponds in this state, they are therefore to be rounded up and sent back to Belgium, where they came from. Those that do not cooperate will be killed. All mute swans in the state are to be gone by 2026.

We can hardly wait to see how they have revised this. In any case, we must keep the pressure on. And don’t forget the secret password: Quack.

The battalion of squirrels that intended to march from Riverhead Town Hall carrying signs WE ARE MUTE TOO will not be able to make the October 26 date. Instead, the battalion will be garter snakes. The fly-over conducted by the East End Ospreys has been rescheduled to the new date. No problem. What will have to be re-arranged, George, is the date set for the receiving of the 70 SOLIDARITY drag banners from Oslo Sign. Let them know that only the date changes. The drop-off point, in the dunes behind the Lobster Roll in Napeague at noon, remains the same.

The Legions of Other Creatures, the lobsters, crabs, kangaroos, coyotes, butterflies, fireflies and pheasants, will still be assembling, but on the new date, by the westbound on-ramp of the Westhampton entrance to the Long Island Expressway. And Fred, I understand that the Battalion of Long Island Landscape and Plein Air Oil Painters group, which could not make the old date, will now be available for October 26. Their proposed sign was to spell out NO SWANS, NO POND PAINTING but never got made because of the cancellation. Now the sign painters will have to go ahead, and in a hurry-up fashion. It has to be at a rehearsal in front of Dune Church on Meadow Lane, Southampton on Thursday, October 12 at noon.

Finally, Sherry, I think you should again ask the North Atlantic Killer Shark group to reconsider. They had declined for unknown reasons. Perhaps with the new date they can say yes. If it is yes, keep the sharks well away from the bluefish contingent, and that’s an order.

I have already checked with the speakers, from ponds up and down the state, and all nine are okay with the new date. They will hold forth from the podium on the front steps of the Water Authority Educational Building. In one sense, this delay is a good thing. The electronic translation system, which we paid to have designed and built by the Brookhaven National Laboratory, was found to have some odd bugs in it, if you would pardon the expression. Swan Adelia, from Town Pond in East Hampton, who speaks in that high-pitched voice (too high for the human ear, as with all), nevertheless had her speech come out in English with an Elmer Fudd lisp when we had our rehearsal. This will give Brookhaven more time to work on getting this and any other bugs out.

And remember the chanting points. We’re All Immigrants. Swans Have Rights. Say No to Fascism. Who’s Next, the Raccoons? Humans Go Home and Mute? Not Really!

Don’t Be Square. See You There.

AS WE GO TO PRESS: We have learned that the meeting of October 26 has been permanently cancelled. The state will not proceed with the mute swan revision program. Thanks to all. It’s your help that made this all happen.