Police Blotter

School Bus Pig Roast Leads to Basketball Team Suspensions

The entire Napeague High School basketball team has been suspended after they tried to have a pig roast on their school bus on the way back from their triumph at the state championships.

Police and emergency personnel were called to the scene after the bus pulled over with smoke pouring out of its windows. The students blamed a miscommunication.

“They were told that from now on they would be permitted to have food on the bus when they travel long distances for games,” Hamptons Police Department spokesman Larry Hirsch explains. “Like high school students everywhere, they thought they’d see how far they could bend the rules.”

According to Hirsch, several of the team members procured a suckling pig and smuggled it onto the bus, along with charcoal and incendiary materials.

“They made a big mess, no two ways about it,” Hirsch said, noting that the bus’s interior was fully stained with black, meaty smoke. “That bus will require some serious cleanup work,” he continued. “It will take a major effort to remove the odor of charred bacon, though it does smell rather delicious,” Hirsch added.

This is not the first Hamptons pig roast debacle of late. The Knights of Vesuvius’s annual Welcome Spring Pig Roast turned ugly last week when the organizers, not used to cold weather this time of year, set up a charcoal fire pit in the basement of their North Sea clubhouse. Things went as anyone with foresight might expect, but the fire was contained and no one was hurt.

The Napeague High School basketball team suspension will continue until disciplinary measures are decided upon.

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