East End Real Estate Agents Share Craziest Questions Posed by Clients

East End real estate agents hear some really stupid questions
East End real estate agents hear some really stupid questions, Photo:Andrea De Martin/123RF

Anyone who thinks that being an East End real estate agent is easy is sorely mistaken. Besides requiring expansive, up-to-the-minute information on the listing and surrounding area, it also demands being on call 24/7. This often results in missing important family events and other prior commitments.

If that weren’t enough, there is no guarantee that the prospective client will be sane. I doubt there’s one single East End agent that hasn’t encountered outrageous snobbery, insane stupidity or criminally suspect behavior at least once. In fact, I interviewed numerous agents, who shall remain anonymous, to confirm my theory, and they shared some of the craziest, most absurd questions prospective clients have posed:

Are the windows bulletproof?
How many gators do you think I could fit in the pool?
Do you know if the neighbors will mind hearing loud music in the middle of the night?
Is there a guest house for my mistress?
Do you feel there is enough sunlight on the back deck for marijuana cultivation?
I’ll take it, all cash. Do you have a money counting machine at your office?
If I say yes to the purchase, do you come with the place, babe?
What, no helipad? I told you I needed a helipad!
Is the sound of the waves always this loud?
Look lady, I got eight kids from six different baby mommas. Can you find me a place where a process server can’t get to the front door?
Ferrets allowed in this town? I mean, I have like ten ferrets.
Who are the secret neighbors that no one knows live next door?
Is there a safe room? My wife gets really mad sometimes when I come home late.
What ocean is that?
So when you say eighteen rooms, does that include the bathrooms and garage?
Was this house featured on that show Flip That Twenty Million Dollar Mansion?
Is it possible to put windshield wipers on the living room windows?
Since this house is so close to the water, I expect it doesn’t snow here, right?
Do you think the sellers would do a combination cash and barter? I have a bunch of cars and an airplane I need to sell to afford this place.
That roundabout up the street, is it one-way?
How’s the traffic in the summer?

Read more Mr. Sneiv.

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