The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of May 24–30, 2018

If it roars, growls, bites or hisses, leave it at home with the mister or misses.

Week of May 24–30, 2018
Riders this past week: 26,314
Rider miles this past week: 122,807

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Award-winning author Roger Rosenblatt was seen riding the subway between Quogue and Quiogue on Saturday, writing a speech. He has agreed to give the keynote address at the Dan’s Papers Literary Prize for Nonfiction awards ceremony at Guild Hall on August 23. East Hampton’s Steven Spielberg and Amagansett’s Paul McCartney were seen riding the subway together last Wednesday between Georgica and Sagaponack.

HAMPTONS SUBWAY WINS 5 AWARDS
At the annual World Subway competition in Las Vegas last week, Hamptons Subway rounded up a grand total of five first prizes. We won first in Escalator Speed Northeast Region United States—something we’ve been aiming to win with our new French two-speed system; First Prize for the Cleanest Subway System in the Fewer Than 14 Stops New York State Division; First Prize for the Subway System World Wide with the Name “Hamptons” in the greatest percentage of all the stops; First Prize in Courtesy and Respect, Eastern Long Island Division; and First Prize for the Least Number of Accidents, also in the Eastern Long Island Division. Bravo to the staff.

PUSHERS ASSEMBLE
You may have seen the 40 young people out on Coopers Beach last Thursday doing jumping jacks and push-ups in preparation of their first day on the job shoving the crowds on the platform into the subway cars on weekends all summer. Wearing chest protectors, helmets and boxing gloves, they have this tough job to do from now until Labor Day. We had more than 200 applicants for the 40 jobs, and those selected come from seven different foreign countries, five of which do not speak English as an official language. But no matter. When they push, you move.

FREE GIFTS
This summer, for the first time, high-end retail stores have signed on to have young models walking through the cars all day giving out itty bitty samples of perfume, jewelry and accessories to all that want them. They are not to be confused with those that wander through other subway systems we know of carrying cardboard signs and tin cups as they ask for money. Or they perform back flips and then ask for money. No. Not here.

GEORGICA STOP NOW OPEN
Our luxurious Georgica stop is now open for the summer. Even if you don’t have the special pass to be able to get off the train at this stop, you can do so anyway and get to enjoy a little bit of the butler service, the string quartet and a sip of wine before you are escorted back to the edge of the platform and put on the next train out.

NEW RULES ABOUT PETS
Pets are welcome on Hamptons Subway for the most part, but as far as the long list of animals not allowed, such as boa constrictors and tarantulas, we are scrapping that—who wants to read that long list anyway—and we have replaced it with a rule that reads as a slogan. To wit: “If it roars, growls, bites or hisses, leave it at home with the mister or misses.”

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
I’d like to personally welcome all riders to summertime in the Hamptons and to the joys of riding our subway system. I keep hours in the corner office on the third floor of the Hamptons Subway Building in Hampton Bays every Wednesday and Thursday, so just call my secretary any time to make an appointment and come on up and I will shake your hand.

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