Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of October 4–10, 2018

The 2018 Miss Hamptons Subway contest is underway
The 2018 Miss Hamptons Subway contest is underway, Photo: Alessandro Cristiano/123RF

Week of October 4–10, 2018
Riders this past week: 18,312
Rider miles this past week: 17,568

Our spotter reported that Donald Trump was on the subway last Wednesday morning leaving Southampton heading for Water Mill, but it turned out to be Alec Baldwin. Sir Paul McCartney and Paul Simon, were issued tickets for selling CDs of their new album Two Guys Named Paul while walking through a subway train going from Sag Harbor to Bridgehampton on Tuesday. Somebody who gave his name as Why Cliff Jean also was ticketed. He was helping the two Pauls by taking the money from the eager riders and handing out the CDs from his backpack. In the end, the trio had to walk backwards through the train, refunding the money in order to avoid soliciting without a license charges.

Many, many trophies and plaques will be awarded at the presentation ceremony for our “Miss” Hamptons Subway Competition on October 28. You can still enter this competition until October 21. Entry forms are on the shelves just above the suggestion boxes on all platforms. This is the successor competition to our Miss Hamptons Subway Bathing Suit competition we’ve held since 1955.

This year’s rules are in the entry form. Everyone is eligible. No one has to show up to be judged. Just fill out the form. Enter your name and phone number, but that’s it. No compromising info here. Then identify the category you are entering. Not only will you not have to show up anywhere, no photo of yourself need be sent in either. Just write an essay titled “Why should I be awarded first prize in this competition?” Write no more than 12 words. And that’s it.

We originally had wanted to call this year’s competition “Miss, Mrs., Mr., Master, Dr., Prof., M., Judge, Colonel Hamptons Subway” with winner trophies with five runners up in 22 different categories but it’s too complicated, so in the end, we decided to just call it “Miss” Hamptons Subway, with the quotes, and we also decided that everybody who enters should get a trophy so nobody would feel disappointed. We hate feeling disappointed. Don’t you?

Since Hamptons Subway has a film festival on the same weekend as the Hampton International Film Festival (HIFF) and this is that weekend, we’ve decided to try to patch up the hard feelings that the HIFF, as it is called, has against us. HIFF started in 1996. The Hamptons Subway Film Festival started just two years ago. They think we are mimicking them, being that it is on the same weekend and all, but that’s only a coincidence.

Our films are held all day long on every platform from Thursday to Monday October 4–7. Because a year ago HIFF would not allow us to see the names of the films they were showing in order to show them too—we did learn the names after the weekend—this year, we are proud to announce that we will be showing everything that HIFF showed last year. So if you missed a film last year, come underground and here it will be. And we hope this gesture on our part also helps heal the wounds.

Thanks to everyone for re-electing me Commissioner for another year. It was a close vote, but what put me over the top was the fake news we viraled out on all the media. Our hackers beat Rinaldo’s hackers. Throw Rinaldo in jail! It worked! Is “viraled” a word?


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