Police Blotter

Hamptons Police Issue Polar Vortex Warning to Banjo Players

No one wants to stick to their instrument.

As the Hamptons experienced single-digit temperatures due to the polar vortex last week, the Hamptons Police Department issued an urgent reminder for residents not to play the banjo outside.

“In years past, we’ve had very tragic incidents of banjo players getting caught in the polar vortex and freezing solid,” Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch says. “We’re asking during this cold snap for everybody to keep the banjo playing indoors, or even to take a few days off.”

The trouble apparently starts when a banjo player is playing in single-digit temperatures and his or her hand gets stuck to the metal frame of the instrument due to the extreme cold. “It’s like getting your tongue stuck to the swing-set pole,” Hirsch says. As the banjo player concentrates on trying to peel his or her hand from the metal of the banjo, he or she fails to notice that the rest of his body is turning into an ice cube.

The police say that this year no banjo players have turned up frozen yet.

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