Dan Rattiner's Stories

Lions & Lambs: March Doesn’t Always Come In and Out Like You’d Expect

In Like a Woolly Mammoth and Out Like a Velociraptor, In Like an Albatross and Out Like a Penguin and more.

This spring, what was supposed to happen, happened. March Came In Like a Lion and Went Out Like a Lamb. This is the first time in 35 years that this has happened.

And I should know. I’ve been keeping a diary about the month of March for years here on the East End. The last time March Came In Like a Lion and Went Out Like a Lamb was in 1988. That’s 31 years ago. I blame it on global warming. The weather has been all over the place since then, and we’ve broiled and frozen on numerous different months many times.

I look in my diary from time to time to remind myself of some of the more extraordinary Marches.

In 2004, March Came In Like an Albatross and Went Out Like a Penguin.

In 1996, March Came In Like a Woolly Mammoth and Went Out Like a Velociraptor. I think that was the scariest one.

Remember 2011, when March Came In Like a Spider and Went Out Like a Gaggle of Geese? Or 1993, when March Came In Like a White Bunny Rabbit and Went Out Like a Fire-Breathing Flying Dragon?

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I do remember 1989, when March Came In Like a Badger and Went Out Like a Badger. Most people were totally surprised when it did that. The Great Snowball Fight scheduled for the First of March on the Great Lawn of Westhampton Beach had to be cancelled, and they kept cancelling it until April 11, when it finally snowed.

Probably the most dramatic March I recall was the year it Came In Like a Potted Plant and Went Out Like a Bark Beetle. That was in 2003, and farmers couldn’t decide whether to plant or not.

There was the famous windy year of 1990, when March Came In Like a Hummer and Went Out Like a Ferrari. And another year, 2000, which was even more famous when March Came In Like Bigfoot and Went Out Like Goldilocks.

Well, anyway, today, March 30, it is nearly 60 degrees in East Hampton, and after dressing for another polar bear winter day, I poked my head outside and took off my blue hooded parka, ski mask, goggles, scarf, two sweaters, mittens, boots, silk top and bottom, gloves, the two pair of socks, shirt, pants and underwear, and went out in the backyard and ran around naked for a half-hour.

Last time I did that was in 1971.

It’s nice here in New York where we have all the seasons. You guys who went to Los Angeles to enjoy year round springtime, come back home.

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