Hamptons Protesters Say Humans Should Not Play Dogs in Films
Dozens of East End residents were cited last week for resisting arrest and overcrowding two buses heading toward Hollywood, where they planned to protest the hiring of human actors to play dogs in a new blockbuster movie based on a classic novel. Hamptons Police Department officers stopped the pair of buses near the western edge of Southampton on Sunday when they noticed the outrageous number of passengers stuffed inside them.
“It appears these people, calling themselves Acting for Truth are pretty insanely passionate about actors not acting too much,” Officer Rex Darold said on Wednesday, recalling the passengers’ unwillingness to exit their buses. “They kept going on about how humans should never play dogs, and ‘the injustice of it all’ in Hollywood,” Darold explained. “Apparently there’s a new movie where the dog is played by a dude who was made into a dog using computer graphics,” he continued. “They said this would be as ‘shameful’ as having a non-pregnant actress playing a pregnant character—I guess that’s not allowed anymore.”
Once police cleared the buses of unruly passengers, detectives gathered pamphlets and materials left aboard and found an extensive agenda against the choices of film industry elites. “After protesting the dog movie, they planned to target all the animation studios hiring humans to provide voices for cartoon animals,” Hamptons Police spokesman Rex Gallant told reporters. “It looks like, in their ideal world, the voices of Bambi and Dumbo would be played by a real deer and elephant—however that would work,” he added, shrugging. “I’m not completely sure they’ve thought this through, but I’ve been wrong before.”
All Acting for Truth members were freed with an appearance ticket and immediately left toward Hollywood—this time aboard a fleet of four buses. They were last heard screaming, “We will not be stopped or silenced,” in unison out their bus windows heading west on Sunrise Highway
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