One bite, everybody knows the rules.
Dave Portnoy, the founder of Barstool Sports, also known for his famous Instagram pizza reviews, has made his way to the Hamptons, touring local pizza places for the past 11 days. The rules are he takes a bite (or more) of each slice and grades each restaurant with a score from 1 to 10, and posts a video for his 2.7 million followers to view.
The first stop was Moby’s in East Hampton on August 8. “This scene is f**king delightful,” says Portnoy. He described the sauce as a spicy, tangy marinara. “Very fancy, very good. I don’t know if it’s the Sancerre—my wine of choice—speaking, or the summer air, or COVID, but this is very good.” 7.9 is the score for Moby’s.
Next up was Sausages Pizza & Pastabilities in Montauk on August 10. This is Portnoy’s second time in the Hamptons, he says. The first was for the U.S. Open in 2018. “Very cheesy, that’s a cheese fiesta,” he says of the slice. “This could be drunk pizza,” he says, but notes that they close at 9 p.m. “That ain’t drunk pizza, but I guess with the big C, everything shuts down early.” He scores Sausages with a 6.1.
Pizza Village in Montauk was next on August 11. “Big fan,” says someone serving the pizza from the takeout window.
“They greased me up like a Christmas ham,” Portnoy jokes. He’s given free T-shirts and extra napkins that begin to fly away. He chases the napkins while holding the pizza as passersby help out. “Keep Montauk beautiful,” he says.
“Village Pizza, walking distance from the last place we did, Sausages. I’m sure people who come here have their favorite. Probably like a Jets and Sharks, you knife somebody,” he says. He takes a bite. “No comparison, this is the better of the two pizzas,” he says. 7.3 is the score for Pizza Village.
At Best Pizza & Dive Bar in Amagansett, posted a week ago, he starts by having a BBC—a Baileys Banana Colada—to drink. “You can’t drink this with pizza,” says Portnoy.
“People love it with pizza,” says a man named Pir, who works at the restaurant. “This drink was made famous by a bar that’s no longer here, but was down the road, called Cyril’s.”
“Frank is who we did Bar Rescue with,” Portnoy says of owner Frank Pinello, who also has a location in Brooklyn. The two appeared on an episode of Jon Taffer’s TV series. “It’s very rare that the second spot will live up to the first,” he continues. The spot in Brooklyn was given a 9.1.
“Give it a shot…the pizza comes out good out here. I’m proud of it,” says Pinello.
“I mean it’s great pizza… I don’t like that he’s right there, right in my f**king face,” Portnoy laughs. “I’m taking this so seriously like my life depends on it,” he continues.
Portnoy then points across the street to a house on the ocean he says is rumored to belong to the owners of Warby Parker. “Who would have thought selling reading glasses gets you that house. I should have that house, if they have that house,” he says.
“Don’t punch me,” he says to Pinello. “8.4.”
The two discuss how Portnoy had just enjoyed Pizza Village’s slice. “I grew up eating Pizza Village. You go out and go to the bars and go to Village,” says Pinello.
Referring to the Dive Bar in the title, Portnoy asked if Best Pizza & Dive Bar was a local spot and if he came at night, would he be beat up? “It’s soft out here, nobody’s getting beat up,” says Pinello.
Watch the Best Pizza & Dive Bar review below. (Language Warning)
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Next stop was Astro Pizza & Felice’s Ristorante in Amagansett. The video was posted on August 14.
“Be nice to us,” says someone at the restaurant’s pick up window.
“Amagansett is what I expected the Hamptons to be…much nicer, like picturesque,” says Portnoy.
Someone yells Portnoy’s name from a car as they pass by.
“I like that name Astro’s,” he says.
Someone else yells, “Dave, I love you!”
“They love me here in Amagansett,” he says to the camera.
“This looks like a pizza I’d hammer when drunk,” says Portnoy, but mentions that it was “very doughy.” His final score is a 6.8.
Next up on the tour was Pepperoni’s in Springs, posted two days ago. “Everywhere you go in the Hamptons I meet the owners and the owners been nothing but butterflies and cupcakes,” says Portnoy, making it difficult to give a fair review.
“This guy is staring me down like he wants to whack me,” he says of a truck driving by. “He was giving a look like ‘this is my f**king town, what are you doing in my f**king town?’”
“The top of my mouth—gone,” he says as he takes a bite of the hot slice. “It’s good. People aren’t going to write folk songs about it, but it gets the job done. A little on the heavy side… If you’re in the neighborhood, it’s good pizza.” He gives Pepperoni’s a 6.7.
Yesterday’s post was at Springs Pizza. He mentions that when they tried to call in the order they were hung up on. “I’m not going to talk sh*t. He didn’t speak great English and he has tattoos up and down his leg. I don’t f**k with those people,” says Portnoy. “I’m a guy that has a perfect f**king tan that looks like a golden brown cookie, who’s been laying in the sun drinking señoritas and margaritas a little too long.”
“Sloppy looking slice,” he says. “Is he coming after me? I’m afraid of that guy.”
“This is going to get me stabbed,” he says. His score is 5.8. The Springs Pizza review was also posted to the Barstool Sports Instagram page, which has 8.7 million followers.
To view all of the videos look for @stoolpresidente on Instagram.