Jerry Seinfeld Rides Hamptons Subway

SCENE ON THE SUBWAY

Jerry Seinfeld was seen on the Amagansett platform with some baseball mitts, bats and balls he’d purchased at Khanh Sports, according to the writing on the tote bag.

NEW SUBWAY PROMOTION

For the next two weeks, all persons who are so short that they can walk under the turnstiles without ducking will be allowed to use the subway system for free. Monitors will be on hand to see if you can do this, kids. Keep the hair slicked down if it’s gonna be close, dude.

FARE RISE

The cost of a fare on the Hamptons Subway will rise on Nov. 1 from $2.75 to $2.99. Hamptons Subway is the leader in subway raises in America. Our fares have gone up more often and by larger amounts than any other subway system in the country. Last year, Commissioner Aspinall was presented with an award because of that.

LOST AND FOUND TO MOVE

The lost and found office for Hamptons Subway will be moving on March 1. At the current time it is in room 3F on the third floor of the Hampton Subway office building on Ponquogue Avenue in Hampton Bays. Unfortunately, filching by employees has not been able to be stopped at this location. People just break the lock on it when the room is closed, or deal cash to some of the people in charge of the room who, when we subsequently find out about it, get fired.

From now on, Lost and Found will be located in an underground storeroom halfway between Hampton Bays and Quogue. There will be no access from the street to it. It will be completely automated. If you lose a scarf, for example, take a laptop computer down to the Quogue platform, go online to Hamptonsubway.com/lostandfound and type the word “scarf” in the box and photos of all scarves in the storeroom will be displayed. Pick the one that is yours by clicking on it and a conveyor belt will take it in its plastic bin along a little track attached to the side of the tunnel to you at the glass booth at the eastern edge of the Quogue platform for further identification and pick up.

TRANSFERS

Next week, Hamptons Subway will try a plan which will allow straphangers the option of leaving the subway system for half an hour to get some fresh air or a cup of coffee and then come back down to continue on their way without having to pay another fare. These transfers will be time stamped at all token booths. Go there before you take your break to have your transfer stamped.

TRACKAGE FESTIVAL

The management of Hamptons Subway is trying to start a new tradition this fall by bringing several 100-foot-long pieces of railroad track out on flatbed trucks down the Main Streets of our villages. These pieces are for the straightaways, which this year are being replaced between several of our stations. (Tracks are replaced every 10 years, piecemeal). In the past, the tracks have been trucked out under builders’ tarps so nobody can see. This year, we invite everyone to come out and watch the shiny new tracks come parading through. Watch for the dates in future editions of this newsletter.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MELISSA FRANKLIN

Melissa Franklin of Westhampton Beach, our booking intern on the seventh floor of the Hamptons Subway headquarters building in Hampton Bays, turns 18 years old on Friday. Everyone please assemble in the cafeteria at 4 p.m. to cut the cake and wish her a happy birthday. And let’s give thanks that she is now old enough to work and we can promote her from her internship to an actual paid clerk job.

NEW SPUR?

With the increased traffic in the summertime to Montauk in the last few years, Hamptons Subway is considering double-tracking the section of track from Amagansett out to that town. This will involve enlarging the subway tunnel and might take up to two years for the entire 16-mile trip out there, but we should have to close the service for only 19 months if this plan goes ahead. For the other five months, at the end, the trains will be running slower to be looking out for carpenters, painters, and tile layers who might be working in those tight quarters.

THAT SUBWAY CAR

The 90-year-old Lexington Avenue D subway car that was found completely intact in a storage room underground along the tunnel that connects East Hampton and Amagansett will not be restored and used as a museum piece in that storage room. Sorry to disappoint. New York City Mayor Mamdani has called Hampton Subway Commissioner Bill Aspinall and wants it shipped back to the MTA as soon as possible, at which time what will come of it will be decided upon. Ownership trumps Finders, Keepers it seems. And that’s not a pun.

NEW JOB OPENING

During the last five years under Commissioner Bill Aspinall’s reign, 11 marketing directors for Hamptons Subway have been hired and fired. Because of this high turnover, Hampton Subway is making a new job, whose title will be assistant marketing director, who will report directly to the commissioner to provide continuity about what’s going on with this or that marketing director.

COMMISSIONER BILL ASPINALL’S MESSAGE

It certainly is a blow to Hamptons Subway that Mayor Mamdani wants back the 90-year-old antique subway car we found on our system. But that’s the way it is. On the other hand, we believe that the Trackage Parade being proposed by our new marketing director Todd Aarondunk will be a big hit. So it’s one old traditional item gone and one new tradition coming in.