Billy Joel and Jimmy Buffett

Week of September 16-22, 2011

Riders this week: 9,412

Rider miles this week: 86,381



Sting, Billy Joel and Jimmy Buffett were on the Sag Harbor to Bridgehampton run heading for the Hampton Library where each planned to read in the reading room there. They are all engrossed in The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest series. More than 150 girl groupies jammed into the subway car to accompany them on the ride, but the trio just told them all to keep it quiet. [expand]


The signage people in the Montauk Yards, where the 36 subway cars are kept during the night guarded by German Shepherds and barbed wire (to prevent graffiti from being sprayed on them) have begun writing names on the sides of the cars. The Board of Directors of the Hampton Subway two weeks ago approved a contest where the public would be invited to name the cars.

At the end of the contest last week, however, the basket containing all the new names was lost while being taken out to the Montauk Yards from subway headquarters in Hampton Bays. A subway car window had been left open. The entries scattered all over the tracks. Then, late at night when the system closes down for the night for maintenance, workmen went out there to gather them up only to find that mice had eaten the entries. All that was left on the tracks was mouse poop.

And so, the workmen have taken it upon themselves to name the cars. Four have the signs already on them. One is the Harriet and William Dexter Aspinall, named after our beloved commissioner and his wife. Another is the Hindenburg, named after a beloved German Leader from years gone by, a third is simply Subway Car, which was thought up by one of the workmen there who says “Dude” a lot. And the final one is named Too Big to Fail, even though it is no bigger than any of the other cars. More cars will be mustered out tonight with the new names on them.


The subway system air conditioners were turned off last Thursday as they are every September 15 when the temperature begins to fall. However, there was something wrong. The system would not turn off. We regret that the subway platforms might be a lot colder than they should be this time of year, but we are working on the problem.


Counterfeit Subway Swipe cards are in circulation on the system. They look exactly like the proper ones, and they work going through the turnstiles just like the real ones do. The only difference is that they do not expire and when the money in them runs down, it automatically renews itself with “new” money although, in fact, none has been added. These cards will last forever and that’s not right, so if you come across one, please, just drop it off at any token booth where the token booth operator will reward you with a new card with 10 free rides.


Carlos Cohen, our fearless accountant, celebrates his big five-oh this Thursday in the office in Hampton Bays. We invite everybody who knows and loves him to be there at 3 p.m. when we will have the cutting of the cake.


As the date for the annual Hamptons International Film Festival approaches, the Subway System has decided to install video screens in all the cars to keep the passengers busy as they go this way and that, to attend the various screenings. We would be showing any films that have a subway scene in them, which HIFF chooses not to show at the festival itself. After the festival ends, we will be removing the video screens and returning them to the company that we rented them from. We should have them up by next week and we expect them to remain up for a month, the length of our rental.

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