Top 10 Reasons Derek Jeter Should Retire to the Hamptons

Derek Jeter.
Derek Jeter. Photo credit: Keith Allison

Derek Jeter announced on Wednesday that he will retire from the Yankees after the 2014 season. Obviously, he should spend his newfound free time in the Hamptons.

Here’s why:

He’d be in good company of Yankee greats. Yankee icon Bernie Williams came to Westhampton Beach Performing Arts Center in July 2012 and Jim Leyritz, who hit the game-tying homerun in Game 4 of the 1996 World Series, played in the Artists and Writers Game this summer.

Montauk Point is technically located in Red Sox territory. The lighthouse is 96.54 miles away from Fenway Park; and a whopping 109.26 miles away from Yankee Stadium. On any given day, he can bathe in the glory of Southampton groupies or trek to The End to fight Red Sox Nation.

Because, if he wants to have a relaxing retirement, his options are to either retire to the Hamptons or retire to an infield position with the Mets. Both are equally relaxing, though the Atlantic Ocean is slightly cleaner than Flushing Bay.

Derek Jeter is The Captain. We are The Hamptons.

Jeter and pop princess Mariah Carey were involved from 1997 to 1998. If he ever wanted to rekindle that relationship, Carey is a frequent Hamptons visitor, renting out Joe Farrell’s Bridgehampton Sandcastle last summer. Carey is happily married to Nick Cannon now, but maybe Jeter has picked up some ideas from former teammate (and Hamptionite) Alex Rodriguez

Speaking of A-Rod, I’m sure he can give Jeter tips on where to hang out. (Hint: those places could involve Madonna and Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld.)

This is Long Island, and there are no Irish bars between Buckley’s Inn Between in Hampton Bays and O’Murphy’s in Montauk (we’re not including Murf’s in Sag Harbor…) Blasphemy. Luckily, Jeter’s father is half Irish. Can he open up a neighborhood hangout?

Fourth of July is the biggest holiday of the year in Hamptons-land. Jeter knocked his 3,000th career hit on July 9, 2011. Could the Hamptons compromise and make July 7th a celebration of independence and baseball? They just go together…

He doesn’t have to give up a career. He can get work as an extra in movies. He can coach clinics put on by Hamptons Collegiate Baseball. He can pull a Mark Cuban and serve people at drive ins. He can play in the Artists-Writers game—it’ll be his opportunity to smoke Alec Baldwin.

Since the CPF fund has brought in record sales this year, there can be plenty of open space between Jeter’s new pad and civilization. No one will hear him screaming, “Yeah Jeets!”

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