The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: Week of May 16–22, 2014

Week of May 16–22, 2014
Riders this past week: 13,812
Rider miles this past week: 146,834

Alec Baldwin and his wife and daughter were seen traveling between East Hampton and Amagansett last Thursday afternoon. Howard and Beth Stern were seen traveling westbound from Southampton on Friday with a little dog.

As we reported last week, the Subway restaurant chain, which has been the proud provider of food and drink on our platforms for Hamptons Subway patrons for the last three years, has been hesitant about renewing their contract with us. The reason is a planned new law in East Hampton that would make it illegal for chain stores to open there. Subway has cafes on seven platforms there. According to them, their lawyers have said that underground is no excuse. It’s still East Hampton.

As a result of this, it has been agreed that should this ordinance pass, the cafes on all the platforms in East Hampton would change their name to Schlubway.

The food and drink would be the same. You could still buy their famous 11-inch long subs. The papers were signed for another three years last week after which executives from both companies enjoyed an 11-incher and a large Coke.

Our new marketing director, William Itch, thought it would be a good idea to put advertisements for Hampton Subway in the subway cars when the spaces were not otherwise occupied with ads promoting commercial clients. As a result, ad posters went up in the frames above the windows reading TRY THE HAMPTON SUBWAY and DID YOU KNOW THE HAMPTONS HAS A SUBWAY? After many riders complained this was the work of an idiot because they were ON the Hamptons Subway already, the signs were quickly removed.

Over the years, Hampton Subway has been proud to have wooden suggestion boxes nailed to the walls on all the platforms. Some of our best ideas come from our riders. At various times, however, our suggestion boxes get vandalized or stolen, and when that happens it puts one town at a disadvantage to another in giving us suggestions until we put in a new box. For this reason, we have ordered new
high-tech, reinforced stainless steel suggestion boxes, and the first of them will be placed next week on the platform in Hampton Bays.

Each of the new boxes will have a surveillance camera above so if it gets stolen we know who did it. In addition, to prevent theft, it will be bolted through the wall.

The new box, German made and now in use in all the stops on the Moscow Subway, also has an internal shredder. As suggestions get made, they automatically get photographed with the internal camera, then shredded. This will protect the identities of all suggesters. As you know, no suggestions are read if the writer does not identify himself with name, address, email and cellphone number. So the photos protect the identities of the suggesters. Try out the new suggestion box. Once you are through the turnstiles you can ride anywhere for free so it’s just a few stops away in Hampton Bays from wherever you are without additional charge.

I am in discussions with Metro North, the railroad line, for Hampton Subway to receive the old bar cars that Amtrak says will not be compatible with their new trains. I have long been upset that I can not get a stiff drink on our system. Also there’s money to be made here.


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