Blog Du Jour

Hamptonites Submit Obtuse GOP Debate Questions

As the presidential race heats up and another GOP debate kicks off tonight, October 26, we asked some East Enders what questions they would like posed to the candidates. Here are some of the more obtuse queries:

1. Do you support the drilling and exploration for oil in Reeves Bay?

2. If elected president, would you be willing to support a tax plan that puts greater tax burden on the poor and middle class to benefit the wealthier residents of the Hamptons?

3. What is your stance on immigration? To clarify: immigration from outsiders into the Hamptons.

4. As president, would you be willing to sign an executive order that protects cute little deer on the East End?

5. America’s infrastructure is collapsing. Trillions of dollars are required to improve the failing highways and bridges. What is your stance on building a mega-bridge to Shelter Island and a Hyperloop train to and from Manhattan?

6. Are you in agreement that a panel should be convened to investigate the DEC for their crimes against the local commercial fisherman?

7. What are your thoughts on foreign relations with Israel and should the eruv be allowed in Westhampton Beach?

8. What is your opinion on Hamptons golf courses allowing two mulligans per round for the wealthiest members?

9. Would you support the secession of the East End from both Suffolk County and New York and the formation of two additional states to be named North Fork and South Fork?

10. As a writer, I am concerned that cheating is occurring at the Annual Artists and Writers Charity Softball Game, because the artists keep winning. If elected, would you be willing to establish an oversight committee to investigate this unfortunate situation?

11. Do you agree that dogs should be allowed off-leash at all times of the year?

12. As you are probably aware, there is a major tick problem in our area. The federal government continues to spend billions of dollars on research and the prevention of less important health related issues like AIDS, Ebola, swine and avian flus, etc. Can you assure me that if elected, you will divert the majority of this useless funding to solve our Lyme disease problem?

13. Would you support a bill on gum control in the Hamptons? Kids are leaving their chewing gum stuck to park benches and tables all over the place.

14. As wealthy donors from the East End, can we expect your support related to House Bill 62785FC, which mandates “probation only” for the first-time insider trading convictions and other financial crimes?

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