Police Blotter

Old Fish Mystery Solved in East Hampton

Retired bayman Lester Miller of East Hampton contacted authorities this past week to report the sudden appearance on his front lawn of a large quantity of heavily decayed fish.

Police who arrived on the scene reported seeing a large pile of dried fish bones and flesh. According to Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch, it wasn’t clear when the fish were placed on Miller’s property.

“Mr. Miller first noticed the fish when he was taking his dog Stuart for his morning walk,” Hirsch said, “and neither Mr. Miller nor his neighbors heard or saw anything prior to that time.”

When the Hamptons Police reported the odd occurrence to the environmental department, however, they were surprised to find that officials there not only knew of the fish, but that they themselves had placed the fish on Mr. Miller’s lawn.

Hirsch explained the situation to reporters. “It turns out that 12 years ago, when Mr. Miller was still working as a bayman, these fish had been confiscated from him—officials at the time felt Miller’s haul had exceeded the legal limit. Mr. Miller took them to court at the time, and the matter had remained unsettled. Apparently, unbeknownst to Miller, the environmental department recently found in his favor, and so they returned the fish.”

According to Hirsch, Miller feels “vindicated,” and is currently seeking donations to help clean the old fish off of his front lawn.

Read more Hamptons Police Blotter.

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