The Hamptons Subway

Hamptons Subway Newsletter: February 12–19, 2016

Week of February 12–19
Riders this past week: 9,777
Rider miles this past week: 86,190

DOWN IN THE TUBE
Actor Alec Baldwin was seen riding the subway from Amagansett to Napeague with East Hampton Town Supervisor Larry Cantwell Tuesday. Christie Brinkley was seen riding the subway between Bridgehampton and Wainscott with Southampton Village Mayor Mark Epley Thursday. Billy Joel was seen riding the subway between Sag Harbor and Noyac with Southampton Town Supervisor Jay Schneiderman on Saturday.

CAUCUS PROBLEMS
The Hamlet of Hampton Bays, which traditionally chooses to select the Hamptons Subway Commissioner by caucus, held it this year on the subway platform there. Citizens for one candidate gathered on one side. Citizens for the other candidate gathered on the other side. Chaos occurred, and everyone got confused with the subway riders crossing the platform between the turnstiles and the trains. In the end, they flipped a coin and Commissioner Bill Aspinall got their vote rather than that dastardly woman Anita Atlas running against him. Not an honest bone in her body, let me tell you.

EDIBLE ORGANIC GARDEN
Charles Longpants, a subway car cleaner in the maintenance crew out at the Montauk Yards, was awarded second prize for the edible organic garden he grew last summer in the northwest corner of the Yards. The prize was awarded by the National Subway Association at the annual conclave in Kansas City last week. It was in the “neatest rows” category, eastern division, 2015. Congratulations, Chuck!

TRASH BASKET PROTEST
As I am sure everybody knows, the trash baskets on all the subway platforms were removed on the first of the year to save maintenance costs. Riders must now take their trash with them. Oddly, the stations are quite clean as a result. Anyway, last Wednesday, members of Straphangers for Trash each brought three of their personal trash baskets to every platform and left them there. They want Hamptons Subway to empty them. We won’t.

SIRENS REMOVED
Because of rider complaints, the noisy sirens that sound for 10 seconds to announce the arrival of trains to the platforms have been removed. They’ve been sounding since the subway was founded. Hamptons Subway was the only subway system in America to have such sirens. And now they’re gone.

COMMISSIONER ASPINALL’S MESSAGE
Last Wednesday, Hamptons Subway police uncovered an elaborate scheme to steal riders’ subway cards. The matter came to my attention when hundreds of riders passing through the turnstiles at the Water Mill Station called my office that morning to report that the third swipe card reader from the left side was “eating” their swipe cards. It would be ripped out of their hands and gobbled up into the system as they swiped it through. An investigation I ordered immediately discovered that someone had been tampering with that swipe card reader from below.

In a subbasement, someone had put up a step ladder that reached the ceiling, climbed up it and jackhammered through the concrete ceiling to reach the underside of the steel mechanism inside that reader. He or she had arranged to have the cards “plucked” down and into a canvas sack nailed to the ladder. Today is Friday. He or she has not returned to abscond with the loot. But when he or she does they are in for a surprise.

READ MORE HAMPTONS SUBWAY

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