Blog Du Jour

What East Enders Do When the Weather Is Abysmal

What do typical East Enders do when the weather is less than ideal? The ultra-rich have the luxury of hopping in their private jets and popping off to some warm and exotic destination. But those of us that are more financially challenged are relegated to our homes.

This got me wondering what the more down to earth East Enders do during these periods. The recent snowstorm gave me an opportunity to explore that curiosity. When I started calling my most grounded local friends to see what they were doing, I was surprised how humdrum most of their responses were:

1.Read a book that had been gathering dust.

2. Made a new recipe.

3. Organized phone contacts.

4. Binge-watched television series.

5. Deleted old emails.

6. Called a bunch of friends and relatives.

7. Cleaned the house.

8. Made a list of next 6-months of personal goals.

9. Baked cookies.

10. Played board games with the kids.

11. Worked from home office.

12. Cleaned the refrigerator.

13. Ordered a bunch of stuff online.

14. Did about a dozen crossword puzzles.

15. Payed bills.

16. Worked on taxes.

17. Updated my dating site profiles.

18. Watched hundreds of cute kitty You Tube videos.

19. Rearranged the furniture.

20. Did laundry.

Quite frankly, most of these activities didn’t seem interesting enough to write about for DansPapers.com. So I decided to call of few of my more wacky acquaintances and ask the same question. Here are their responses:

1. Ate an entire box of Captain Crunch cereal for dinner.

2. Stared down the large angelfish in my aquarium until he freaked out.

3. Taught my dog to eat spaghetti from my mouth one strand at a time.

4. Tried unsuccessfully to entice a squirrel into the house.

5. Made delicious red wine slurpees.

6. Unsuccessfully tried to hold my breath till I passed out.

7. Chugged an entire bottle of white wine without taking a breath—felt great afterward and then barfed.

8. Videotaped myself running out in the snow naked. I intended to send it to my girlfriend but ended up erasing the tape after discovering I had shrinkage from the cold.

9. Spun around in my desk chair until I got so dizzy I couldn’t function.

10. I invented a new smell (no description of said smell provided).

11. Emailed everyone I don’t like and reminded them why I don’t like them.

12. Tried making bread pudding without using bread.

13. Made fire in the fireplace using an ancient fire starting technique I learned on the internet.

14. Splattered different colored paints all over my bathroom walls as a tribute to Jackson Pollack.

15. Cleaned the ceiling mirrors over my bed because the ladies had been complaining.

16. Prank called some of my friends with blocking feature.

17. Played four games of solo chess against myself—I won every game.

18. Made snowballs, put them in my freezer and then unplugged it in an attempt to save electricity.

19. Ate several pounds of hamburger meat that thawed in my freezer because I unplugged it in my failed snowball experiment.

20. Tore my home speakers apart and tried to mount them in my sofa. Ordered a new sofa online.

Maybe before the next bout of abysmal weather I can catch a ride on someone’s private jet? I’ll go anywhere!

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