Just Ask Mr. Sneiv: You May Be a Hamptons Snob

Upper class Hamptons snob couple on their luxury yacht
Upper class snobs on their luxury yacht, Photo: NejroN/123RF

It is with great sadness that I must confess that snobbery is still alive and well in the Hamptons. Oxford Dictionary defines a snob as “a person with an exaggerated respect for high social position or wealth, who seeks to associate with social superiors and looks down on those regarded as socially inferior.”

Some Hamptons residents may not even realize they are snobbish, because the Shinnecock Canal naturally keeps the social classes from intermingling too much. My hope is that through increased awareness, one day those locals afflicted with blue-collar disease will be able to freely interact and socialize with those who consider themselves as upper class. To that end, determining whether or not you yourself are a snob is the first step.

You may be a Hamptons snob if:

-You don’t know the name of the guy who keeps your hedgerow perfectly trimmed
-You’ve ever attended a Derwood Hodgegrass party
-You refuse to eat anything that isn’t organic
-You ask paramedics to take off their shoes before entering your house to save a loved one
-Your art collection is worth more than the GDP of Burundi
-You have a security guard house at the end of your driveway
-You only eat at restaurants that require reservations to be made
-You think that The Stephen Talkhouse is a place where people practice public speaking
-You pay someone to accompany you to the beach and apply your tanning lotion
-You think the East Hampton Airport is a godsend
-You have an Ivy League Flag hanging from your flagpole
-You have ever used the term “nouveau riche” in conversation
-You have more than 500 channels on your television
-Your dog or cat has their own place setting at the table
-You don’t have a single pizza delivery number on your speed dial
-You take a limousine to the grocery store
-You only speak French to your French Poodle
-You eat your lobster rolls with a knife and fork
-You have your summer cars sent up from Florida each year
-You don’t have any magnets on your refrigerator
-You own two or more yachts
-You never go barefoot in the summer

If more than five of these points resonated with you, chances are you might just be a Hamptons snob, but that doesn’t mean you can’t change. Go learn your gardener’s name. Order a pizza delivery. Buy some Hamptons tourist magnets for the fridge.

Only when you learn to respect and appreciate less extravagant lifestyles, can you achieve true class. As New York housewife Luann De Lesseps eloquently points out in her hit song of the same name, “Money Can’t Buy You Class.”

Read more Mr. Sneiv.

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