Dan’s Hamptons Media hosts, manages and sponsors numerous East End events throughout the year, especially in the more congenial months. Highlights include things such fêtes as Dan’s Taste Of Summer’s Rosé Soirée, Taste of Two Forks and GrillHampton, as well as Dan’s Literary Festival, Dan’s Best of the Best, Dan’s Kite Fly and many others, past and present.
Even with this vast number of goings-on, it’s people often suggest other events for our calendar. Unfortunately, we can’t always say yes.
Below is a list of event ideas we rejected for various reasons:
Summer Squirrel Olympics – BYOS (Bring Your Own Squirrel) activities include fastest up the tree, find the buried nuts and longest leap. Prizes awarded.
Drone Combat Flying at the Beach – Scratch the kites. Drone vs. drone to the death. This could get exciting fast.
Swimming with Sharks – Water is chummed in preparation for the event. Participants who swim the 2.2-mile course safely get a trophy.
Dan’s Great Potato Eating Contest – Pay tribute to the local farmers of yesteryear. Similar to Coney Island’s famous Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest but with a twist—you have to eat hot baked potatoes (all locally sourced, of course).
Run For the Grapes Marathon – The 26.2-mile course starts and ends at the Wölffer Wine Stand in Sagaponack North. This challenge is more difficult than average East End runs because hydration stations along the course would only serve wine. Must be at least 21 years old to register.
Dining With Dan Essay Contest – Entrants must write a 500-word or less essay on why they want to dine with Dan at his personal residence. Winner will be served a five-course meal prepared by Chef Rattiner (ouch). He does, in fact, make a mean lobster casserole.
Over Easy Charity Breakfast – Egg breakfast on Main Street will include all types of egg dishes from local East End Chefs (Chef Rattiner will not be participating). Proceeds will go to the Save the East End Chickens Foundation.
Hamptons Road Rage Derby – It’s like a demolition derby, but with really nice cars. Tag Line: Hone Your Road Rage Skills Before Summer Traffic Begins. Registration limited to year-round locals only.
LIRR Car Painting Contest – Event to be held late at night. Must wear dark clothing and be able to run very fast. The winner gets an art scholarship.
Dan’s 10-Cent Really Bad Film Festival – Five days and five nights of films featuring the worst reviewed films of all time. But—you guessed it—admission is only 10 cents!
Dan’s Tick-Bite Protest March – Participants in this history-making event march from Montauk to Manhattan in one day. The demonstration seeks to shine a light on victims of tick bites in the Hamptons.