Police Blotter

Hamptons Police Ticket Couple for Missing Super Bowl and State of the Union

They may not have known these were compulsory viewing events.

A Noyac couple admitted to Hamptons Police officers last Wednesday that they failed to watch either the Super Bowl or President Trump‘s recent State of the Union address. They were both processed and issued an appearance ticket.

“This seems to have been a genuine lack of understanding,” Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch says. “Either they weren’t aware that these compulsory viewing events were taking place when they were—as hard as that may be for us to believe—or they were unaware that they had no choice but to watch them.”

Police were acting on a tip when they questioned the couple last Wednesday about what they had watched on TV on the prior evening and the previous Sunday. The couple answered that they had watched old episodes of Friends on Sunday and on Tuesday had chosen to read books instead.

“They didn’t know any better,” Hirsch says. He expects the judge to hand down the minimum punishment.

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