Hot Properties

With the Hamptons summer season upon us, there are two main topics of conversation: relationships and real estate. Having written extensively on both, I find unique parallels.

Motivated Seller — I don’t complain about your beer belly; you don’t complain about my incontinent Yorkie

New To The Market — If you like it, you’d better put a ring on it

Architectural Review Board — Meeting your future mother-in-law

Recently Remodeled — Tummy tuck and Botox

Short Term Rental — Tinder

Room For A Pool — Lives with his mother but has a new startup

Credit Report — Your Facebook page

In Contract — Engaged but the prenup isn’t finalized

Co-Exclusive — You like Ginger and Mary Ann

Survey — Looking at her mother to see how she’ll age

Closing Costs — Diamond ring, romantic proposal destination, giving up beer pong

Not Yet Listed — Tease

New Construction — Washboard abs but doesn’t know who The Jackson 5 were

Green Building — Vegan

Refinancing — Couples counseling

Curb Appeal — Snapchat Filter

Historic — Has made a date on a rotary phone

Code Violations — His ex-girlfriends have some stories

Strong Rental History — Good kisser

Mature Landscaping — Owns a tuxedo and eschews emojis

Lease To Own — The divorce is almost final

Pied à Terre — Mistress

Adjustable Interest Loan — Viagra

Tear Down — Doesn’t like animals and smokes

Gut Renovation — A year of therapy and has read everything by Deepak Chopra

Desirable Neighborhood — She has cute friends

Open House — Surf Lodge

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