Police Blotter

Seasonal Hamptons Cast Members Must Go Home

Rural actors playing farmhands, produce vendors, baymen and the like cannot outstay their summer contract.

With the conclusion of summer last weekend, the Hamptons Police Department went about their annual duty of notifying all rural actors that their seasonal contracts have expired. All out-of-state thespians playing farmhands, produce vendors, salty sea captains, baymen and Montauk fishermen, among other roles, must leave the Hamptons and return to their hometowns until Memorial Day 2020.

“Unfortunately, after the crowds leave, many of these actors want to remain in their roles through the fall, so we’ve found it much easier to have our officers deliver and enforce the bad news,” Hamptons Police spokesman Larry Hirsch said this week. “I get it, the Hamptons is absolutely beautiful in the fall, but the Municipal Board just can’t afford to pay them for another season, save for a handful of local hires still selling roasted corn and pick-your-own pumpkins at our roadside facilities,” he added, noting that this summer’s top three local “en plein air painters in straw hats” would also be allowed to work weekend days, for a reduced off-season rate, in the Wainscott and Sagaponack farm fields.

“No one wants a difficult or jarring transition, especially since we still have visitors,” Hirsch said. “Believe me, if it were up to us, the Hamptons Municipal Board would keep the entire cast around through the holidays.”

According to a Municipal Board order, all actors who leave willingly before September 15 will be given a voucher for free transportation back to wherever they’re from (within the contiguous United States). Anyone staying beyond September 30 will be arrested, charged and prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

Meanwhile, Hirsch said HPD Animal Control will begin rounding up wildlife and returning them to various assigned holding units, and beach teams will be dispatched to determine replenishment needs and potential improvements for next year.

“The show’s over, folks!” Hirsch concluded, asking again that all actors vacate their seasonal housing accommodations. “Let’s get some rest before we have to do it all again in eight months.”

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