Ask Beatty: It's Never Too Late to Find the Love of Your Life

By the age of 50, most people expect that they’ll finally be kicking back a bit and enjoying the fruits of their labors — ideally with someone they plan to grow old and gray with.

But whether divorce or widowhood has thrown a wrench in that reverie, or you’ve just never found your special someone, many 50-somethings, 60s and 70s do find themselves single and frequently not at all happy about the idea of living their life without a significant other.

While it’s easy to feel like a fish out of water surrounded by blissful couples — don’t worry — there are plenty of people just like you who are hoping to find “the one.” In my experience as a psychotherapist, I have helped thousands of men and women of all ages jump into the dating game at all ages and stages in life.

Remember Why You’re a Catch

Singles can be pretty hard on themselves, especially as they get older. If you’re feeling a little low, it can help to get back in touch with what’s brag-worthy about you. Write down three things you have every right to feel good about, whether that’s your killer wit, incredible cooking skills, or the fact that you can still beat your nephew at tennis.

Pick One Thing You’d Like to Improve

Maybe it’s time to commit to dropping ten pounds or to treat yourself to a shopping spree to spruce up your wardrobe. Giving yourself a goal to strive for can do wonders for your attitude.Harry, divorced at 57, told me this story: “I always wanted to be a good dancer. My ex complained that I wasn’t a strong enough leader and for once, she was right,” he admitted. So I’ve been taking lessons and I’m getting really good. I feel that it’s a new day and that anything is possible. I’m planning to join a dancing club.” Remember, it’s never too late to learn something new. In fact, it’s what keeps us feeling young and vital.

Put the Word Out That You’re ‘Looking ‘

One reason many singles phones aren’t ringing is because no one knows you want it to! So for starters, quit assuming your friends, family and colleagues are aware that you’re looking to meet someoneone special. Get the word out to everyone you know. Don’t be shy, everyone loves playing matchmaker.

Know Where to Mingle

There are plenty of places to keep your eyes peeled — and I’m not just talking about the dating sites, bar scene or nightclubs packed with 20somethings. Lectures, workshops, political fundraisers, book signings, museums, gyms and adult education courses are teeming with prospects. Don’t hesitate to say hello to that attractive man or woman at the food market or in the line at the bank. The possibilities are endless.

Do Speak Up

Always be open to meeting someone as you go through your day. The person standing next to you at the post office or while buying a bagel with cream cheese could be right for you. If you’re on the bashful side, think of it this way: The worst they can say is no. At best, you may be pleasantly surprised. Case in point: John 62, is dating a woman he met at the dry-cleaner. “I was reluctant to approach her for fear of sounding foolish. After all, I haven’t dated anyone other than my ex for over 30 years,” he says. “But I took the chance and asked her out and now I think that she may be ‘the one.’”

Wear Something Age Appropriate But Alluring

One dating hurdle I’ve heard again and again is this: “I don’t have a clue anymore what to wear.” Many singles in their 50s, 60s and older often feel like they’re stuck between dressing too young — or old — for their age. “I don’t want to look like my teenage son,” says Paul, 56. “But on the other hand, I want to look current.”

The bottom line is being comfortable in what you wear is essential.But “comfortable” does not mean it’s got an elastic waistband or has been hanging in your closet since the ’80s. Being comfortable means feeling good — even a little jazzed or sexy — when you look in the mirror.

If you’re headed out to an event where you might meet someone and your clothes aren’t giving you that little lift, it’s time to go shopping — ideally with a fashion forward friend who can offer a second opinion. Shopping for a new wardrobe needn’t be expensive. Explore high-end consignment stores. You’ll be amazed at what you can find!

Keep Your Conversation On a Positive Note

Everyone, especially at this point in their lives has some romantic baggage in their closet. It can be tempting to share your war stories while on a first date.

Resist the urge. Even if your ex-spouse cheated on you or your last blind date was a total bomb, whining and moaning on a first date about your cheating ex can be a real turn-off.

Learn to Listen

Many singles, if they’re rusty on the dating front, or maybe a little nervous, often try too hard to make a great first impression. They blab on and on about what they do, their past, and what qualities they find important in a life-long mate … and leave the other person no room to fit a word in edgewise. It’s a complaint I hear especially often from women. All he talked about was himself, his work, his investments and his antique cars. When he finally got around to asking me about myself, he stopped listening after five minutes. Quit worrying about what they’re thinking about you and ask yourself what you want to know about them. Stuart, a 63-year-old widower has two questions that have worked wonders for him: “What do you like to do for fun?” and “How do you feel about (fill in the blank)?” Dating is not a race to reveal all. If you like each other, there will be plenty of time to delve further.

Good Luck on Finding Love in 2026!

Beatty Cohan is a nationally recognized psychotherapist, sex therapist, author of For Better, For Worse, Forever: Discover the Path to Lasting Love, advice columnist, national speaker, national radio and television expert guest and host of the weekly Ask Beatty Show on the Progressive Radio Network.She has a private practice in New York City and East Hampton. Beatty would love to hear from you. You can send your questions and comments to BeattyCohan.msw@gmail.com. For more information go to BeattyCohan.com.